.

Framed

2011-08-28T00:54:00.002-05:00

My frames found a home...and soon they will find contents!

Our Temple Sealing + Frame Party!

2011-08-23T22:48:00.002-05:00

http://hickersonphotography.com/

Why...when people are living their lives?

2011-07-06T01:14:00.003-05:00

Had a great weekend with friends. Friends that are the drug which make me feel normal again.
Happiness so extreme it cannot be contained.
It makes me dizzy.
I suppose hardly anyone feels as deeply as I do because of this "problem" I've recently discovered. Tragedy and excitement never hit anyone harder than one like I.
Up and Down.
Always dizzy.
Never certain.
Not for long.

I'm breathing in, but find myself never breathing out.
Tongue pressed to my mouth.

Can't sleep.
Manic.
Depressant.

Unless you love, your life will flash by.

2011-05-20T23:49:00.002-05:00

My next goal. Jump into it. This will distract me for a while.

Run as the Wind

2011-05-20T23:22:00.003-05:00

Graduation has past, and so has job searching. What is next? What haunts my mind each day at work is the small increment I will make will gradually pay off my loans, how many more hours I have to complete my license, how many appointments I can make now that I have insurance, and how many minutes I have left until I can be released so that I may trot the 5 blocks home. My obsession with these numbers keeps me from having a genuine moment without thought. I still seem to be the cheeriest person of the office, and I am surprised at how much information I've retained, yet am learning at a significant pace. Yet, I'm afraid that my ambition exceeds the hours in a day and I wish to accomplish the priority as well as the pleasure markings on my list. In conclusion, a 18-hour day and a 6-hour nap.

I'm starting to feel the confinement of the city. I've extended my spirit to a hike last friday evening, yet I only crept to the edge of the wilderness. I need to set my being into the wind and venture on. As the country girl I once was, it's beside my nature to be confined to a downtown mortuary with no windows. To think I owned and often visited my canoe. I miss that small adventure. The float. I am in need once again to have some lone moments and indulge in a lyrical mess.

Press on me!

2011-02-24T04:26:00.002-06:00

This is some press on an exhibit of a project that we proposed for Center Street in Provo, Utah in early fall. We recently presented our projects to an array of Provo townspeople and a few local tv and newspapers. Apparently we were featured in a National Magazine called ARCHITECT. I was interviewed for 2 different TV stations, but we haven't received information on when that was aired. I will update as soon as I get it! See my post from a couple months ago on my student project!

ARCHITECT NEWSWIRE

DAILY UTAH CHRONICLE

HERALD EXTRA 1

HERALD EXTRA 2

University of Utah Student Blog

2011-02-22T10:27:00.001-06:00

I was one of 2 people to start a blog for the University of Utah School of Architecture! Here is a link of what school is like from a Student perspective!

http://www.arch.utah.edu/blog/

squish

2011-01-31T14:38:00.000-06:00

Dimick Christmas

2011-01-02T14:50:00.020-06:00

WINTER IN AUSTIN

GINGERBREAD HOUSES

PEAR CREPES

ENGLISH TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS DINNER

FAMILY PHOTOSHOOT

CRAFT TIME!

GINGERBREAD HOUSE + FIREWORKS

Winter Extravaganza

2010-12-27T22:01:00.017-06:00

Halloween: Helping Philip at Work

We did a 10 hour work-day each at Philip's job on Saturday before Halloween to make some extra money. Face-plates galore--these rooms are huge! We were greeted at the end of the day with a beautiful snow!

Philip's Birthday! We went to Chili's and to a BYU football game!

Then, we went to a Utah football game---tickets I got for being a student! Now I'm starting to feel some loyalty. I haven't really felt that excited about this Alma Matter's sports because I'm still attached to U of I. There were so many great memories and I really felt a part of the excitement there. Of course we were very lucky to be a part of the riots of the Finals in Basketball, and were able to break into our Football stadium and do cartwheels... :) Good memories Jessie and Phil Street.

They won vs. BYU, and rushed the field. This is when I could sympathize with BYU. I really think I will cheer for them in the future. Their teammates and fans are so much more polite and encouraging. I'll also be supporting Philip's all-time favorite team, so I suppose that is alright.

Stay at the Montage Resort:
Philip was awarded through his job a weekend stay at the resort he has been working on so diligently since August. He was an independent contractor up there (Deer Valley) and would have to drive to the mountains an hour every day. We were thankful for the job, but it was a temporary job and as of Dec. 20th we are looking for a new job. Hopefully a much closer one!

We ran into a friend at the architecture school's wife. His name is Chad and we both got to hang out with him while we were in Italy. Apparently Philip has been working with his mom the whole time!

They had a dart wall down in their pub and we ordered chicken pot pie and barbecue chicken pizza that was absolutely expensive and delicious. Then for desert we had the largest root beer floats ever! They also had a bowling alley in which we paid $55 per hour. This place is absolutely insane. I cannot believe that people live like this. Our dinner at the Apex restaurant was over $100 each time, and we ran up a bill for the entire stay over $3000. We were so lucky and blessed to have been able to stay here! It was in good timing because it was right before my stressful finals week!

Playing in the snow. I love these photos of Philip. I think he looks like a stud. :) That's the new jacket I bought him for Christmas and gave it to him early so we could look fancy.

Joyous Noel

2010-12-24T15:58:00.005-06:00

They are a bit late, but here are our Christmas cards! Merry Christmas!

I am trying my hand in a little graphic design, so let me know if you need anything done!

Healthy Ego Firm

2010-11-21T19:57:00.012-06:00

This is a little video and photo shoot we did for our Professional Practice Class. We had to explain where we wanted to go in architecture by emphasizing where we didn't want to be. And for the record, I don't want to be Frank Gehry, and question anyone who does. However, he is the most extreme case I thought of on the spot! :) Enjoy!

Video

Group Shots

My Businesswoman Shots with My Finger's Accomplice...the Saw

Pretending to Architecture

2010-11-14T00:53:00.007-06:00

A Day in the Life of a University of Utah Student....

Friday I had the privilege of walking through the construction site of the CITY CREEK PROJECT with 14 architecture and city planning students. We saw the multi-million dollar parking deck which inhabits an entire block underground. We also were guided through the condos to get a beautiful view of the city and the ongoing project below.

After returning to school, the student I TA for had a final project review, so I walked around trying to hear them present while Philip was asked to be a juror for one of the sections. I'm having so much fun being involved, I hardly want to graduate!

A older missionary couple who has been serving in our church for the last 2 years are leaving and I was asked to do a sketch for a thank you gift. I sketched our church - a modernized model of an former baptist church - is a similar reflection of the inner-city member that attend. A very unique, yet well loved bunch. It gave me a chance to be outside for a while and truly enjoy the nature of detail. I always credit my dad for that hobby. And, I was immediately blessed, as I found a free ergonomic chair on the side of the road for studio! No more sitting on a stool!

Confrontational Dynamics

2010-10-23T11:31:00.005-05:00

Design Project posted for the fam. :)

Philip and I working in studio! There is my blue finger!

In Praise of Shadow by Jun'ichirō Tanizaki

2010-10-23T09:55:00.004-05:00

In Praise of Shadow is a book implying the ideals of the national Japanese character. The subtle life lived in shadow by the traditional Japanese has forever changed my perspective on the decay of material and the western push for science without design. It poses this unique questions: What would it be like if the Japanese were the first to design the toilet? Would it be made of wood so that with every use the splinters and rot would make you aware of that distinct experience? Would it place your feet in grass and draw your eyes toward a beautiful landscape? Is our world being designed and built for a much younger, faster generation without consideration for the elderly? Is there as much appreciation for handmade material and imperfection, especially when observed under the brightest fluorescent light?

Shadow Art by Shigeo Fukuda

"Words without thoughts never to heaven go."

2010-09-27T01:47:00.004-05:00

Where is the middle ground between diamond and gravel?
This sense of refined artistry leaves me wondering, Are you really alone?
Yet the natural and superfluous casualness is strewn throughout my everlasting days.
Is the in-between lost? When does it find me?
When it does I will surely smile.

O, maybe until the next time this lesson is learned.

Bulletproof Glass

2010-08-17T09:38:00.003-05:00

Still loving strong...
Philip's idea yesterday to go on a jimmy johns picnic. :) We shared lots of kisses and laughs on that hillside. The summer air is cooling rapidly at night and everyday approaches the colors of fall more and more. O how I love the mountain air. My lungs can never forget how easy it is to breathe. Hoping to go on another hiking adventure this weekend before school starts!

Spiritual Thought
Proverbs 1:2-7 --- Proverbs 9:9-10
I personally long for understanding and ability to remember the scriptures and stories of the gospel. I want to be able to give people a thought that resonates in their mind and I want those words to come from my mouth, yet be the Father's. Those are exactly the things that I admire from Christian when I learn about His pure love, and I wish to set free those thoughts to someone else. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." To truly fear the lord - submit to his plan, be reverent and humble, study his scriptures and pray with purity of heard and exceeding faith, it must be always... and at every occasion. Only then have I noticed my wisdom and eloquence in teaching the gospel. And in those few times I have been able to be free with peace flooding my heart.
I've been preparing lessons for our women's meeting on Sundays and it has truly been a blessing. I am starting to overcome my fear of public speaking---something I prayed to be stronger in, so of course, I'm thrown into the wonderful task of standing up each Sunday and trying my best to humble myself and let the Spirit take wing.

Gracious Charity
There really is a love so pure. Mimi Locher, my favorite professor here at the U called today with an offer for me to take a TA position teaching first year architecture students (Juniors). It has really boosted my excitement to start the school year now that I have paid in-state tuition! Especially after being denied residency in Utah and questioning whether or not I could make it back to school this fall! What a promise from the Lord to take care of me, His daughter!

Calf Canyon and Me.

2010-02-11T22:00:00.003-06:00

Our Design-Build Bluff coordinator allowed me a personal day to go on a hike since I was having some drama issues pile up from the last couple of months. I started off with a scripture reading, prayer, journal entry and wound myself around the lake into the canyons. I have never been so alone in such a vast place for so long a time. I sang, screamed, cried, 3-second delay echoed, ran, moped, skipped, and laughed out loud too many times at the thought of my actions. Someday I'll get enough permission to post the photo I wanted to. This day was all about me and my lone moment with the Lord's Earth. As always, I was released to freedom in my exuberance for these sacred three hours.

I watch the patchwork farms Slow fade into the ocean's arms Calm down, release your cares The stale taste of recycled air

2010-02-11T00:06:00.002-06:00

"Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures"
Postal Service cruising on the Res every morning and afternoon. I'm lost somewhere between the landscape layering itself and these words every time.

(Journal Entry from 7pm)
Something in me changed today. I love Wednesdays here in Bluff. I love Bob McPherson's class and talkiong about symbolism and mythology and history and how everything ties to this beautiful landscape. I'm in it right now and have felt inspired to appreciate my day on paper. Janet came in today where Haley and Jonathan and I spoke with her about selling her pottery and jewelry on etsy.com, a handicraft sellers website. I saw here eyes light up and her mind working behind them, in awe of how much she would be able to benefit. (Janet is the woman whose family we are building a home for here on the reservation. Her whole family is supported by her business of making pottery and lives off of only $9000 a year). My excitement matched hers. I couldn't wait to start documenting her items. :) The Merlin, her man, started showing Bob, Blake and I his and Janet's drawings for our clay wall. The symbolism in both her pottery and jewelry tells of Navajo stories and important symbols. Each is crated with these sacred meaning in mind. There is much planning and much thought. I love that she embraces her cultures so. I was illuminated by this moment.. That, and the clay that Atsushi, Hiroko, Blake and Bob hand-carried out of comb ridge was ready. My head is a spinning case of reels - my vocality in my dreams last night was a witness. This is precisely the time when I want to be artistic and create. It is the relief I seek and can feel. I wish there was time right now. soon. Wedding will be over. Decisions will be in stone. And I will be able to have my breath again.

Journal Entry from Monday, Jan 18th

2010-01-17T23:26:00.007-06:00

Yesterday @ 5am we woke up here in Bluff to try to get rides in Hot Air Balloons at the Bluff Balloon Festival. Sarah Frass and I got to go up with Glenn and Cookie from NM in their Pink Yellow and Black Balloon. We unpacked the balloon, fired it up & chased it to monitor its position along the bluffs. It was a once in a lifetime chance and so beautiful to see the desert landscape from that perspective. We are so small in this place.

To be mystified. Metagrobalized.

2009-12-05T02:51:00.003-06:00

To be and curious and beautiful and filled with magic, and to not understand nor feel a need to seek understanding. Just to be elated in your experience. Sound, Sight, found with chills or fire inside.
I wish to be a child again, when everyday was a day I could imagine myself flying or swimming in the seas. To think I could defy anything this world has defined. But there is still glimpses of those times today. I live from each one to the next, knowing that I can bring someone else there with me. To show them what I see and feel, and oh how vast and uncontainable those sensations overwhelm me.

This is hard.

2009-11-14T21:04:00.001-06:00

My life has embodied itself into a zit below my lips.

2009-11-13T04:36:00.008-06:00

I am finally in my apartment. There was chaos trying to get the right money to whom, trying to get my money back, and vaVoom. I'm moved in. I am having some friends help me sort through some of my stuff to give away to a holiday gift donation. Philip and I just completed our gift registration and I am feeling ever so materialistic. I wish that we didn't have to do that---click click on what we want want. If only people didn't buy such strange things like embroidered matching T-shirts for wedding gifts, no one would have ever thought of this idea. But it is over, and I feel accomplished, and am a little nervous to have something given to me that is way too nice to put next to anything I own. I am really bad at "getting" things and would only like to receive something if I had the time and money to give something equal in sentiment back. I probably will feel indebted to people all of my life. Which gives me a good reason to keep serving them. :)
I am preparing for the temple soon. I will be going to partake in the endowment ordinance, and will then be allowed to fully explore the temple and all its beautiful rooms. I feel so overwhelmed with excitement and privilege.
As I was reading, I came across this perspective, which deals with more than just spiritual issues, but also makes a great cultural point. I think it's a "shout out" to those women in those shielded countries. I just want to let them know that they are empowered by their veils and scarves. And that they know that from now on every time we read about them, our hearts break for their oppression, but soar for their strength.

"In many cultures, veils symbolize chastity personified. They indicate that a person is modest and filled with virtue,90 implying a "renunciation of the world."91 For example, some Islamic and Jewish women veil themselves to keep men from being distracted, this being a symbol of the fallen and weak condition of men rather than women.92 We read that, in an apparent display of modesty, Rebekah "lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac . . . she took a veil and covered herself" (JST, Genesis 24:69–70). "

I am currently doing very well in classes. I got an A in my first graduate course! Yay! And even though the professors don't outwardly give grades until the end, I have a good feeling about how my progress is going. It's like it completely doesn't matter to me anymore. I have let go of so many of my constrained old ways, and have broken free of all the regularity that my culture has structured inside of me. I am learning to be in love with the ideas inside people's heads. I want to know all of them. And even better, I want to know that they can blossom into existence. I am seeing some of that unfold, but am ever more ecstatic to see what will come in the next years. That among peers and professors and social connections are so high an intellectual level, I am surprised I'm even standing among them. What a blessing. And not only in academia can I understand this, but also right at my side.

Philip amazes more and more, and I couldn't feel his love truer than the color blue itself. I am on fire because of him. I am so lucky, and so blessed to have a life with him. And it doesn't end there! I have such faith that our family will be wrapped in the same fiery of love.

Like now, I always have to fight back my emotion when in this state of mind. I often get lost in a mode of appreciation (usually it's cyclical ;) and don't care to stop. Life has never felt so good. Every time I have a "high" it has been because I've recognized that my "lows" make it seem that much greater. There is opposition in all things, and once we break from that opposing force, once we come out of the darkness (it's even biological!) our eyes cannot even bear how great and beautiful the light!

It will snow soon again in the mountains, and then make it's way here in the valley. Those who know about Utah snow often speak of it as a nuisance. I wish they had the light that I see right now. I am new to the place, and newness fades, but O how great IS the newness of anything! I can't believe the beauty that is embodied in the snow here! I want to take a piece of it and carry it back to all of you!

I have so much love for all of you who have taken time to understand my sentence slaughtering. I wish all of you could be here so I can share the entire language of love with you. Find Peace. Talk soon.

Quote of the day...maybe the year.

2009-10-15T01:45:00.001-05:00

"Clearly, the mark of a good article is that I have carefully read it on three separate occasions and still have no recollection of the topic."

-Alexis Hankett

I couldn't agree more dear friend.

"The SUN doesn't know it's a STAR"

2009-10-10T01:52:00.001-05:00

Some Engagement Photos (Phil's favorites)

Design Build Bluff

2009-09-16T23:10:00.007-05:00

Song: In the Backseat, The Arcade Fire
Movie to Watch: The Fountain
Working on: 3 projects for one class, 1 project where I go and sit in a Cathedral for 2 hours, not doing anything but paying attention to the architecture, and 1 research paper for Scandinavian Architecture
Activity: Rode my bike to school today (up a mountain 2 ways :) 5 miles in about an hour.
Thankful for: my camera, and new faces

One of the reasons why I chose the University of Utah included an experience unlike any other. I know have the opportunity to go down to Bluff, a town in Southeastern Utah, and build a residence for Janet Yonito, a Navajo Woman on the Reservation. Here are some photos of my experience in Southern Utah.

It started with 4 amazing girls in a Party Prius for 6 hours.Hank, our Professor
The Scorup House, in which the ladies will reside
The gals sleeping on the porch the first nightSome students in the program (20 of us + 3 full timers) I'm working on this one for our website possibly...

Check out our progress!
http://www.designbuildbluff.org/text/studentsblog/

d e s e r e t

2009-08-28T23:10:00.007-05:00

"shedding of skin"

This photo was taken right before we left that Friday morning on our road trip. It becomes symbolic of a personal existentialism of letting go of the old, whether it be the physical property that I had to displace, or my emotional and spiritual sense of the land of Lincoln. For these moments that I am gone, I've left a big part of me there, my SKIN, but now it's time to bring LIGHT to the new. Plus, this photo is just plain gross looking, and if you're not grossed out a little bit by it, just imagine how close I had to get to this skin-covered tree. :)

Wyoming Windfarm off I-80
I've had so many spiritual experiences here. Maybe it's the place. Maybe it's the dream of architectural study. But I think it's the thought on everyone's mind that was chosen to be shared. Everyone's contribution in class becomes a spiritual thought, somehow tying to the care of our world, to the focus of giving other's a spiritual experience through architecture, and oddly, people sharing that most of their spiritual experiences in life were brought by experience, by lovers, and by their own children. I've realized that I have just begun. If I can continue to embrace this swelling of heart in every field of my life, whether it be school, work, nature home, activity,phone conversation, then I will be full.

Views from veranda of church office building
State Capital Building

Shawn, JC and I at Red Pine Lakes

Skylights inside the Conference Center

My house! Quaint, huh?
View from Pfeifferhorn Peak, 11,360ft

Obsolete.

2009-08-04T11:40:00.004-05:00

I got my new computer yesterday, and couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the imminent despair of outdated technology!

"I've got a perfect body, but sometimes I forget. I have a perfect body, because my eyelashes catch my sweat"

2009-07-09T13:20:00.005-05:00

This is actually an advertisement for toshiba laptops. They actually took one guy from Normal, Illinois (where I am currently residing) and one from Boring, Oregon. There are a whole bunch of videos on Google if you want to check them out!

KING ME

2009-07-01T11:55:00.006-05:00

Ever noticed how nicely the 2 checker pieces fit so nicely together with their alternating grooves?
Yep. Spooning could be closely related.

*****************

...and that reminds me of how much fun it is to have a roommate again! A present body to accompany, new and inspired conversation, accountability, and finally, my fridge is full.

This was given to me by a guy at work. I think it's supposed to be me - superhero ninja-style. Note the striped face and thigh. Nice touch. And I think she could be wearing Utah Boots.

*****************

Sailing this weekend. There will always be something captivating about the texture the wind places on the sail. The out-of-control anxiety you feel when the wind changes direction and the jib sways closely overhead. Then, a brisk moment of relaxation based upon complete satisfaction. We all felt it. And then, when you feel comfortable again, you realize you aren't moving. Nothing catches. It's just one substance of matter reacting with another. Symbiosis is but a fleeting tease.

I wouldn't know what to do without it (secretly). And somehow, I'm excited to thrive on something that life throws at me so often.

*****************

Immediately upon meeting someone, you decide what that impression is going to be. You either approach the relationship with optimism or expectation, unless you have no interest whatsoever. Either way, it may not be a consious decision, but it's one that's controlled.

Would anyone want to answer the question: How do you think God is in everything? I had an exploding conversation on this topic, and will soon find the time to share these insights. As for now, I was hoping that I could get some other readers to contribute.

its enigmatic, potentially even art as it illicits various interpretations

2009-06-25T07:29:00.005-05:00

Playlist:

Matt and Kim - lessons learned "stayed up all night, slept in all day"
Santigold - light out "i got you tight"
Hot Chip - Over and over "the smell of repetition is on you"
Peter Bjorn & John - Up against the wall
Nirvana - the man who sold the world
Regina Spektor - Real Love
Alexi Murdoch - Orange sky
Bat for Lashes - What's a girl to do
Appleseed Cast - Raise the Sails
Bon Iver - Flume - every word!
Say Hi - Oh oh oh oh oh - "I've got something I think I really want to show you"
Kings of Leon - X on fire
Sonic Boom - Car on fire
Cat Power - I don't blame you
Allen Clark - Altitude Sickness
White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
Jeff Buckley - Cruel
Hot Chip - Ready for the floor "you're my number one guy"

Architecture as Life

2009-04-07T13:08:00.001-05:00

"For the architects, the attraction to the smaller project was the opportunity to think about materiality at an intimate scale, along with the challenge of working with an existing structure."

I'm searching for a motive. A philosophy and a passion for a career. How much do I want to invest in a future that may not take full advantage of my education. Surely, I shall never regret the opportunity, but how much will it benefit my family?

Well, after much thought....I made a plan. Today at 1:01 pm I reserved my position in the Architecture Graduate Program at the U of Utah in Salt Lake City! Below is a letter of an acquaintance I contacted asking about the program to give an idea of what's in store for me!

Dear Krysta,

Salt Lake City is quite a bit different than Chicago, but even as a smaller city with a different cultural air, it is quite cosmopolitan and attracts people from around the world. I found the U of U to be a wonderful, open atmosphere that welcomes new ideas. Also, you'll find people from all over, and like any large campus, it is an easy place to make friends with many people with shared interests.

The climate and outdoor environment around Salt Lake is one of the best anywhere. Every season has something to look forward to. The winters are snowy and sunny with great mountains for enjoying the snow. Summers are pleasant (hot and dry) with cool relief a short drive into the mountains. And spring and fall are very pleasant. Utah has great national parks and monuments to explore, from alpine to desert. We regularly traveled around the state for vacations and enjoyed the ability to go into national lands anywhere and anytime.

I'm in engineering, so I'm not so familiar with the architecture programs. We did have activities with architecture at the time (passive solar research in the 1970's, so I'm quite dated), and they had an active faculty. From looking at their website, it looks like they continue in that direction. The U of U has a tradition of innovation, and I think the people it attracts tend to be risk takers who are not afraid to go to a place that is a bit different.

There are a number of reservations for various tribes, but I think the Navajo would be in the "four corners" area in the southeast portion of the state. It's quite distance from Salt Lake City, but a wonderful region to explore (Canyonlands and Arches National Parks are wonderful places to visit...also Goblin Valley and Coral Pink Sand Dunes as one goes in that direction).

Best wishes on your decision process and future path!

Take care,

Ty A. Newell, PhD, PE

Professor Emeritus

Mechanical Engineering and Education

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Came A Yellow Bird, Simon Joyner

2009-03-31T18:00:00.000-05:00

(A friend of Conor Oberst)

Came a yellow bird outside my window
Said bring me water and crusts of bread
Came a yellow bird outside my window
Said bring me water and crusts of break
For I'm injured and I'm haunted
By the storms in which I fled
I tried to fly to New Orleans
But I got lost in heavy rains
I tried to fly to New Orleans
But I got lost in heavy rains
I got many holes in my two wings
From arrows that you aimed
It wasn't I wounded you I didn't any arrows I could shoot
It wasn't I wounded you, any arrows I could shoot
I'm just a lonely man, I never left this room
Besides that I, how on earth could I
Hurt anything so frail as thee
Besides that I, how on earth could I
Hurt anything so frail as thee
When we've never met before this moment
When you called for help from me

Now yellow bird step down into my room
And she chose her words carefully
Yellow bird stepped down into my room
She chose her words carefully
She said you were aiming for the sun
And I was just in-between
And every time you wish to die
An arrow was released
every time you wish to die
An arrow was released
And the only thing between dark and light
Was my breast or yellow wings
Well this can't be true I shook with fear
Though I knew she didn't lie
This can't be true I shook with fear
Though I knew she couldn't lie
I never wanted to harm anybody else
It's just I who wish to die
And then the tears came rolling down
And the floor fell underneath
And then the tears came rolling down
And the floor fell underneath
And the yellow bird folded her wings together
And I dragged her down with me

Canaries are a classic example of animals serving as sentinels as in the "canary in the coal mine". Well into the 20th century, coal miners in England and the US brought canaries into coal mines as an "early warning signal" for toxic gases including methane and carbon monoxide. The birds, being more sensitive, would become sick before the miners, who would then have a chance to escape or put on protective respirators. Thus, serving to warn others of danger. (wiki)

This is how my heart behaves.

2009-03-07T11:56:00.000-06:00

A cold heart will burst
if mistrusted first.
A calm heart will break
If given a shake
It's a mad world.

girl.

2009-03-01T18:09:00.000-06:00

Movie: "Life isn't just about death. It's about the living." -My Girl

Photo: Architect Zaha Hadid

This is what a brain and spinal chord like as a building...

Future Purchase: Chevy Volt on a Series Hybrid

initial power from a generator, then backing up to battery power,
a more efficient use of energy over gasoline. Looks good eh?

Song: John Mayor, Kid A (radiohead cover)

Spiritual Thought:
Life is more than death. Life is mortality. It is a chosen state to which we all came into: to live a life of choice and enduring to live God's will. We are here to be tested upon our responses to our trials and blessings. We will be judged according to how much faith we show in our actions to better ourselves, and the selflessness we portray through the process. We will return again to the presence of our God, and take the experiences with us to continue serving his kingdom of glory.

HoPe:
That I will have twins. Supposedly it's our generation to have one, and my cousins haven't popped out any yet so.....maybe grandma saved those genes for me. Kind of a silly request, I know ;)

Ice Cream:
Ben and Jerry's Fish Food: Thank you Brother Dimick.

Provident Living:
AIA YAF Publication design editor
Designing Bamboo Furniture for the Solar Decathalon 2009 (Actually will be built)
LEED Accreditation Exam
Knitting my first blanket
Phone Calls (this one never sounds like a challenge, but it really is difficult to keep up important relationships without them! And so hard for me to talk on the phone!)
Trying to learn some piano..
Eating Healthy
Training for Half Marathon!
Keeping my Budget
and much more mental improvements....

Prayer:
I never get answers during the act of praying. I sometimes get direct council from reading scriptures, and the other portion of times am just reading to use what I learn to apply to other situations. I often receive answers by living out my life. By serving others, making educated decisions, counseling with others, and forward motion.

Friend:
Jaime Dewaele
Thanks for grocery shopping and visiting me!

Playlist:

you should see the stereogum.com mp3 player here if you have flash

libraries of thoughts

2009-02-25T20:16:00.000-06:00

I've realized something about men. Well, fathers mostly. After a lunch at a cafe I observed a father opening the door for his relatively bouncy 8ish year old daughter. He directed her to the pastries counter and continued to help each other pick out a treat. He kneeled beside her with his arm around her waist, pointing at each option. The way he held her and looked at her was with such admiration, and she the same. Moments like these with their fathers can do a lot for the daughter's confidence in life. For a daughter to always be reminded that she deserves the best of her father's attention, and also his thoughtful notions. I think a lot of little girls (with good balance, so they are not brats:) need to believe for a while that the world of their father revolves around them. As a father, the greatest morals that you can give your daughter are the ones they show them through love and example. Why not be the best man that she knows? Most importantly, daughters must hold the highest standard for their husband, and the model for that high standard should be her father.

This week (actually wrote this three weeks ago, but only now I'm posting!) we were asked to learn and focus upon the topic of prayer: How to pray with most respect to the Lord, as well as being able to pray for others before, or sometimes solely praying graciously for blessings. Here are a couple of things we can focus on while praying both at morn and night -- preceding and succeeding our daily life:

Reflect on those occasions when we have spoken harshly or inappropriately to those we love the most.
Recognize that we know better than this, but we do not always act in accordance with what we know.
Express remorse for our weaknesses and for not putting off the natural man more earnestly.
Determine to pattern our life after the Savior more completely.
Plead for greater strength to do and to become better

I've had a lot of reflection and trial and error with this since then. The greatest form of getting "answers" from the Lord will always be my own process of thought and decision. Rarely do I feel direction from any other place. As long as I am focused on the right things, I will be forced to make good decisions for me and for my future family.

CANarctica

2009-01-30T15:05:00.000-06:00

This one's for you, Pip.

I am recently a part of the Farnsworth Group Canstruction Team where we design and build an image from donated cans. These cans will then go to the local food bank, and we will be judged according to our design. Our design this year is themed "Lincoln", and we can't share what are ideas are yet, but I will definitely post our final product!

My first company Christmas party is this weekend and I hear the prizes are worth the trouble. :)

This is a project I read up on today. Quite amazing the possibilities of using recyclables! I'm not sure I'd want my home clad in beer cans though.....

pugh-scarpa

VALIENT virtuous VICTORIOUS

2009-01-27T13:51:00.000-06:00

This was on a microwave manufacturer website. I think they got something backwards.....hmm.....but at least they set a great example for us kids!

We often make decisions based upon whether it is socially accepted and politically correct. I am certainly and undeniably affected by these two factors. It makes my decisions extremely difficult, and the voice of the Lord decreasingly audible.

I am in the middle of deciding where to go to school. I know that I must. I have been prompted to go, and all other reason agrees. Money dominates. So does location. And also program. I'm trusting that whichever one I am supposed to continue education opportunity will open up. And all other problems will be dissolved as a product of maintaining faith.

"My name is Jehovah. I know the end from the beginning; therefore, my hand will be over thee." Abraham 2:8

Something I pondered in church this Sunday:
An understanding that a leader loves you right away helps create an immediate and trusting bond. It is easier to follow their example and instruction if this type of loving relationship is established - no question. This is very easily seen in the church leader types-pastors, missionaries, but more predominantly (for me) in the way the president and apostles in the LDS Church show charity-or the purest and most selfless type of love.

On top of these random thoughts, here is a possible complete one, quoted by a friend who is "easy to read". I hand-wrote an entry on this that I will hopefully type so that I can share my return thoughts.

" There are three time based lenses through which we can live our life. We can live in the past, in the present, or in the future; or perhaps I should add a fourth one because idealistically you learn from the past, live in the present, and prepare for the future. Realistically, I kick myself for the past, enjoy a few moments, and I obsess over making the future excellent. "

"Rationale also tells me that life is not a race, and everything will come in due time. Because I trust in God, all things will work together for my good. Trying to do it all on my timing and in my way will stifle growth and will stop the Atonement and the Lord’s hand from working in my life."

Coffee black and egg white. Pull me out from inside. I am ready. I am ready. I am ready, I am fine.

2009-01-09T10:58:00.000-06:00

Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver broke through
the guardrail, on the right side of the culvert, where the people are standing
on the road, pointing. The pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left
when it crashed through the guardrail. It flipped end-over-end bounced off and
across the culvert outlet, and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert,
facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling. The 22-year-old
driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.

Just outside Flagstaff , AZ on U.S. Hwy 100.

Now look at the second picture below...

Comment one of my co-workers made:
I'll bet this guy went to church the following Sunday.

Patience With a Smile

2009-01-08T16:47:00.000-06:00

As I was listening to some General Conference talks today, I was most taken back by a story by President Monson. He told of his life and the service in the church to which he was called. At 22 he became a bishop, and has served in leadership positions ever since. I am 22 and yet my heart will take much time to prepare to be minutely worthy and humble.Forty-four years ago, he was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. His faith, and the faith and confidence of his wife is something that I am eager to obtain. I fight my inner motives everyday so that I may have the right ones. I wonder if I will ever stop these cogent debates with myself. I know it will soon come natural, and I know the steps to take. I want to take strides, but I must lay line upon line. What faith we all must have in making decisions?--what patience?--what confusion when interupted by Satan's tongue while striving to hear the soft whisper of the Spirit?

Helaman 5:12

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

Made from Each Other

2009-01-07T11:00:00.000-06:00

Artist: Octavio Ocampo

THE MAC WHEEL

I OPEN AT THE CLOSE

2008-12-18T12:09:00.000-06:00

My apartment has become an atelier, projects strewn throughout. It is nice having space for that reason. I have been working on Christmas presents, but am afraid that my priorities have been reset to applying for a Master's program. I will be sure to continue them after the 15th!

THE PAINTED VEIL

Kitty Fane: [about Wan Xi] I had no idea you had so much affection for her. Waddington: What makes you think I do? Kitty Fane: I can see it in your eyes. I wonder what she sees in you. Waddington: [In Chinese] What do you see in me? Wan Xi: [to Waddington] You're a good man. Waddington: She says I'm a good man. Kitty Fane: As if a woman has ever loved a man for his virtue.

These lines in the movie were moving to me. It's been years since I've had my eyes set on the unjustified virtue that I seek. I've made my list, and have checked it thrice.

PENSIVE

A thief with wings took me away.
But it was really time that was stolen.
Each time I closed my eyes since then
I find my world dark,
looking through the branches to the stars.
How momentary...insignificant...unrevealing it was.
I get chilled to recall my body in that space.
Floating with and falling without.

Still, I extract grey eyes of candour and peace.
And press onward one morrow after another.

-my attempts.

My trip to Austin remedied my cabin fever. The weather was warm and sun blinding. I endured relaxation and laziness as a gift. I learned what greasy pig night was and became a connoisseur of root beers. I had the dominant, strong, Dimick women open up to me as a fellow sister. I found that I have a will always have a special love for each of the Dimicks, wherever life takes me. Most of what I've learned is that I must be dominant, not over anything but my own thoughts. Life will press onward and I will go with it.

As Nutty as Squirrel Poo :)

2008-12-12T03:35:00.000-06:00

Watching The Office tonight made me curious to what a mule deer was. It exists. It is a silly, great being with a toupe and glue on 'stache. Love it---obviously. He's fully equipped with hat.

This is the first generation of my dad's Christmas present. I feel completely comfortable posting it, because I know that he is unable to access the internet. Probably will not recognize an internet explorer icon. I love him anyway :) . Only seeking some suggestions for improvements. I couldn't take the color out of the tree, otherwise it should be all black and white. I always need color.

Music: The Hill - Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova (The movie, Once)
The Body Says No - The New Pornographers
Small Planet - Ferraby Lionheart
Kissing the Lipless - The Shins
Else - Built to Spill

Chose the right and let the consequence follow.

Rooted to the Spot

2008-12-04T18:24:00.000-06:00

Themes of The Season:

HELP OTHERS!

This is Hebrew for Ebenezer which actually means "stone of help". It is not a cranky old man with a stocking cap and ghostly imaginary friends. Tis the season. It is actually from the bible where Samuel takes up a stone in declaration of God's aid to them in defeating the Philistines. The location, the place where the arc of the covenant was first set, stolen, and replaced by Samuel and his people was then named Ebenezer.

The name Eben-Ezer also means "God has led us thus far" or "Thus far God has helped us" according to 1 Samuel 7:12 The word came about by a conversation I had on the hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" a favorite of mine I had picked for my baptism. :)

BY GIVING!
My friend Tara Louise Paull is helping a brand new foundation raise enough money to buy land in Kenya. The foundations is called the Reverse Momentum Foundation and her and a friend Monica will be going to Kenya for a month in August to get the organization established. Since the foundation is just now taking it's start, they are still in the process of purchasing rights to be in the country. They are raising money by asking for a minimum donation $10 which buys food, drinking water and education for an orphan in our shelter / school in nairobi kenya for ONE month!!! It also gets you one of these colorful beaded bracelets, handmade by the Masai Mara women.

and these black ones are made of elephant hair (humanely collected) for $20!
Please help her and Kenya out!

Have Karma! :)
I I ever could name a city, and live in it, I would name it Karma. Because then I would be protected by the Karma Police.

Not the Sandwich Police.
Or the Normal Police.
Karma Police.

Retaliation.

2008-11-29T18:29:00.000-06:00

Today my mom and I made a "personal" Thanksgiving dinner for our family (excluding Kara). I really know that she loves cooking if she can have that feast twice in one week!

During our preparation, the TV in the background caught my attention. I believe the television show to be My Little Pony, but what I learned next was nonetheless disturbing. The entire show was about an anorexic horse. If this is the subliminal way to teach our youth to think against anorexia, I think we are pushing it. I heard the animated horse say "You just don't want me to eat because you want to win the championship. Well I'm not going to eat because I am fat, instead I am going to run laps around the pasture!" Seriously?

Music:
Welcome to your life - There's no turning back
Nearer, My God to Thee

Movies:
Weird Science
Kung Fu Panda

"You are like this water. When it is agitated, it becomes difficult to see."
"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."
"Actually, when I was young and crazy, I thought about running away and learning how to make tofu."

Elation.

2008-11-28T16:26:00.000-06:00

I just spent a good couple hours in the woods today. I walked out of my front door with a 3' pair of branch clippers and a camera. I was so brimming with appreciation for nature I thought myself silly and laughed aloud. It echoed through the trees, but the sound, felt as a secret. My smiling meant nothing to the trees or the meek grass I crumbled beneath me.

I walked inside, and glanced over while passing a mirror. I was beaming. My lips moist, nose blushing, and eyes alive. My features were softened, blemishes stricken clean. My skin was radiant and unveiling. I felt 12 years old again. I could see my youth in the reflection and remembered that I was beautiful. I did not feel vain. I felt as I would 10 years ago: confident, ignorant, exuberant! All that I knew became a cipher and could not dim my perspective of the peace I gained.

Music:
Bon Iver-SkinnyLove
Incubus-Aqueous Transmission

I'm a Mar-mon!

2008-11-24T10:12:00.000-06:00

I was baptized on Saturday! woohoo! I have a 12 page journal entry that I will be ever-so-willing to share with you if you want a detailed, thought break-down of the event! It was so amazing that I wish I could do it everyday! Obvious reasons object this idea, but I just wanted to expound upon how glorious it was. AND how peaceful and certain I feel about this decision. I will not be proven wrong that it will be difficult, but rather than endure to the end, I must rejoice to the end!

These two scriptures, parallel in understanding, have been the most helpful when I get overwhelmed with little things! Feel free to refer to them in your times of struggle!
Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

3Nephi 13:37
Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient the day unto the evil thereof.

Elf Snowball Fight!

PMA lighting manufacturer
(This is basically for my use! I am currently designing lighting for a cloud-ceiling lobby space at work! I feel so privileged!)

I wonder who they were trying to even with??

The more resources we have, the more we get used to them. If we did not know any better, or learned to make ends meet, we would be more resourceful with what we do have. Could we return to the days of campfires and tents? No air conditioning? Our bodies would surely adapt. or die. How about no fuel? Would people still be happy? I say that we could. A little simplifying and "cleansing" of the world has to happen every once in a while. This is what I think is happening to our markets. Naturally, since everyone knows the market is going down, it will continue to do so. People will hold tight to there money and not be avid consumers. Therefore, it can only go up if we keep consuming. Certainly not everyone will start consuming at the same rate, and those who are faithful to helping the economy by buying products, will be broke. As for the cleansing, some times it is good to refocus our consummation. I find this true with the big 3 auto companies---sometimes it is good to clean out the moral standards of the company too. If they do recieve the bailout, then we know for certain that financially, they will be monitored by the rest of the country. I am not disregarding that this will not be devastating for people losing their jobs-, but at a global standpoint, it may eliminate corruption in the field, and return us to reasonable spending.

Anyways....random thoughts forced at the end of the work day :)

I am off to stay with my cousins to help with Thanksgiving dinner! I can't wait!

Happy Turkey Day!

A Double-Decker Bus

2008-11-19T13:17:00.000-06:00

Mmm...New breakfast combination: Vanilla Soy Milk with Oatmeal and Sugar. Seriously delectable! (and obscure)

Sarah Palin 2012? Tell me no one thinks this is serious!

* "It is my mercy and not yours that matters now!" -Dumbledore, J.K.Rowling
I really felt that this explained the Atonement. That everyone felt Jesus' life was at the mercy of those who placed him on the cross. Truly we are only saved by His mercy and grace! I've become some what of a Harry Potter dork - or at least am really amazed at what this literature reads like between the lines.

*"the twilight time between sleeping and waking" - J.K.Rowling
This describes the general place I am when I pretend to go to bed each night :)

Hold fast to that which is good

2008-11-17T18:47:00.000-06:00

Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.

Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.

Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.
Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.

BAPTISM DATE: NOV. 22ND
BAPTISM TIME: 10:00 A.M.
LOCATION:
CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS
604 WINDSOR ROAD, CHAMPAIGN, IL

1 Thessalonians 5
21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

22 Abstain all appearance of evil.

23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

24 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

I'm not sure that I knew how sacred this place was when I took this picture. How beautiful and pure the stone, how vast the sky-painted ceiling symbolized, how short and few the pilgrimage would be. I stand all amazed. I feel peace when I look at this picture. I wish I could take back all the times I spoke of blaspheme against the doctrine, and ideals of the church. My intentions were pure, but my faith was not selfless, honest, patient. I believe now that it is the right time for me to be baptized. I do not think my desire or testimony would be this strong were I not to experience this rigor.

P.S. Did I mention how excited I am?

My skin is the only thing keeping me from going everywhere at once.

2008-11-11T00:24:00.000-06:00

http://xkcd.com/77/

The comics on this site satisfy the intellectual dork in me

"That's what fiction is about, isn't it, the selective transformity of reality."
-Martel

My Halloween Costume, and a successful sewing machine experience!

All the Halloween pictures frighten me!
I cannot even recognize my own face!

Blood Traders

2008-11-05T19:30:00.000-06:00

I wanted to convey the 360 degree aspects of daily thoughts and issues:

Artistic:

I am inspired to keep aspiring.

Seasonal:

I am comforted that I finally was able to enjoy the joys of October this weekend: Tailgaiting, Afootball game victory, a stroll through the meados, Allerton's woods and plains, baking cookies, and most of all-the reuniting of a solid, lasting embrace. Or many ;)

There were many lasting images in my mind from these last couple of days on top of those events:

The Easter Bunny and basket scurrying to get costumes from the timeless van "Old Bess".

The warm sun while laying on the grass. looking up as
friends wearing orange passing bratwurst back and forth.
It was the only thing between
me and the sky. Yummy.

The massive blackness of the sky surrounding each speck of radiant white. And feeling as though I was that white in the overwhelming scene in the dark. And a shooting star, which could have fallen into my hand if I reached up for it.
It felt so near. It is near.

And the breath was drawn from my lungs at the sight
of a bleeding fall tree. It's leaves a fading yellow from green,
dripping at the edges with a blood red pigmentation. I've never seen
anything so beautiful and ominous in nature. It stood in front of me,
dying and withering. I had to help it. I plucked its leaves, and didn't look back.

I'm always curious about relations in all things. Is this my flaw or my strength? I'm told it is a flaw, but find it is the one thing I cannot rebuke.

Ethnical/Religious:
I am a mud blood when it comes to religious background. In a way I will be a blood trader if I marry(and mate with) a pure blood.
(Harry Potter analogy)

Political:

Will Nader try again next time?

I took the drive to Champaign to vote. I figured that it was not really a problem to not change my registration address because I had an excuse to visit with people :). So I went the distance to fulfill my duty as a U.S. citizen. I had excitement that brought butterflies to my stomach this time. This election, unlike the others I have been able to comprehend, was actually one where the candidates were highly qualified and kept me intrigued. This time, it wasn't the better of the two worst eligble canditates, but rather there were candidates that actually gave me postive anxiety to know what it will be like in the next 4 years. Obama's speech made a pretty solid impression to unite us with our history as Americans, yet keep the success we have endured in the past as a vision into the future. Some people in the same room with me cried---that was a little intense for me-- but it conveyed their excitement. And that is peachy.

Political/Religious:
Change.
I thought that it was peculiar that the talk that President Monson gave was focused on accepting and rejoicing in change. This mere word - or phrase - "change" is very significant at this time because it is also the campaign slogan for a certain president of the United States. I have a few other reflections on this, but mostly thought it was neat that these two leaders had some great insight on the inevitable event we call CHANGE.

A confidence in the speeches given by Obama lies within the impression that I am seeing behind his movement. The ideas and aspirations for the approaches to getting America "out" of debt and reaparing the economy and restoring the impoverish--and the unity expressed in defying the racial segregation of presidents--I feel that this may reflect some undertone of the law of consecration that was a vision to the prophet Joseph Smith. This may be a stretch - and a large one in the timeline, but while I was praying about our country's leader, a lot of the connections were unveiled to me. Again, just a thought. In and outside of the office, I heard expressions of those who want to be self-rising in society, and desire an economy that supports those ideals. (Mostly republican-party only voters). That is kind of what America has founded itself in - a propheting society. I believe that if we really lived as a society focused on God, it will convey a world without poverty and wealth. This is only possible when people stop seeking personal success in the economy and start seeking and fulfilling the needs of the people around them.

Architectural:

I went to Champaign Monday night to AIA CI (American Institute of Architecture, Central Illinois) at the Alice Campbell Alumni Center (even tho this building was architecture gone wrong it won an award). Our company, Farnsworth Group won 4/16 awards given. I was able to drive my co-workers back in the company van (I was company DD!) and really enjoyed getting to hear their enthusiasm on how the speaker effected them/opinions on the too-fancy food they fed us (sushi/cucumber sandwiches, tomato bowls?). That and seeing Professor Selby and his little sports car always makes me smile :)

Cameron Sinclair is a hero. He, at age 22 had a brilliant idea which caused him to call the UN direct to start efforts with "building a better world". Unbelievable the capabilities that I am endowed to with just a simple architectural degree. When I am able to hear people like him speak about his Architecture for Humanity I feel as if I am falling short of my duty to the world. Yes, I cannot do everything, but the inspiration helps me feel like I can do so much more. I have little ties here--why can't I join the peace corp? Or work for him in India? I have these questions too often, followed by little action. I am tied here. I am expected to be around for my family and friends. Can I be justified in saying that the services I participate in are on a smaller scale? I want to be a part of something bigger, but with only small efforts, am I essentially a part of that bigger vision?

Design like you give a Damn: the company chipped in and bought this book. I will definitely be stealing it from the library. Sinclair drew us an opossum named Alex. It looks like a straggly ball of yarn. Maybe England doesn't have opossoms. Shame.

Religious:
How many times will it take for me to hang out with LDS members, to think the amazing way they live their lives common? I feel it contagious!

Musicalitastical (:
The Kinks
Miles Apart- Vetiver
NewNew Song - Tokyo Police Club
Car Alarm - The Sea and Cake
Adieu Mon Coeur (Acoustic) - My Brightest Diamond
11:59 - The Postmarks

Economical:
Filled up with Gas in Champaign$2.09

Recreational:
I won the sustainable/health award for our office! I got a $25 gift certificate for a health food grocery store for riding my bike/working out! Sweet! A blessing that God provides groceries when I need it!

Social:

This story ripped at my heart. Prepare yourself if you read this. It really drew my thoughts to those who are suffering and cannot receive justice for it. Living in America has been a blessing for a lot of us, and I really hope that we remember to focus on these issues. Especially in Prayer.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7708169.stm

Domestic:

I'm sorry that everyone didn't get to try my cookies in time! The random cup of wheat flou I borrowed from the neighboring house made them taste a little more healthy than I enjoy. Here's your cookie. I still ate them three at a time!

Patriotic:

Military Humor #1 #2 #3

Technological:
I uploaded these pics from my camera phone! Pretty spiffy!

Emotional:
At the mention, my stomach acid circulates
From the ache in my tissue to the breath in my throat.
I am at rest. It means nothing.

think far. see far.

2008-10-29T08:37:00.000-05:00

I "wrote" this on my way to work this morning in rejoice of how immediate my prayers are answered:
My pain is a constant reminder to turn to the Lord.
What a blessing it it to let the absence in my heart
recall my attention and dependency to Heavenly Father.
How I wish to endure these pangs throughout my eternities
only to ensure my journey is beside the comforting hand of God.
He acknowledges my sorrows and desires personally.
I rejoice that he knows and loves my heart so perfectly.
Allow my mind the attentiveness to accredit his presence
after the clarity overcomes my darkness.

Suffering do not leave me now.
I want to be lost inside it those before me.
I long to be as David, and Job. Even as Joseph.
To experience their happiness and perseverance in their closeness to Him.
My own desires be lost in these despairs,
for the day I am able to basque in the light,
only cleanliness will surround me.
I must endure until I can resist him no more.
I come only to the Lord broken and contrite.
My stubborn weaknesses will soon falter
Strengths will prove prevalent in my actions.
Change will run through my blood, and I will rejoice in the Lord always.

Does anyone get excited when they put a name in their phone and their name is a combination of the first letters on your number keys? Sweet simplicity.

Some of my pottery and my picture made this website!
The Pottery Shop, Normal IL

Soul Song: Eisley - A Sight To Behold
Song with Soul: I am a Child of God - Hymn

2008-10-28T01:19:00.000-05:00

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humbles themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Let's keep it for truth and COME CLEAN all around me.

2008-10-27T08:38:00.000-05:00

Let's take it back to the start. If Coldplay wants a second chance, so do all it's listeners. That song remains in my head day to day. If I write it down, maybe it will come out.

Some things are easily said, but impossible to truly accomplish (As the lyrics in the song explain). With the made memories in our hearts, the moments, the tears... my mind will not easily forget. It does adapt. And learn. But the experiences which I shun from my mind will not be rebuked by my heart. I feel such an absence in the pits of my belonging.

I turn to the Lord in prayer and fasting. For any of my faults or shortcomings I will be able to look to Him and the scriptures to embrace strengths in this creation called my life. If there is anything that I need to fall to, it's my knees. This is the happiness I am experience before my baptism. Is there a method to blocking something from my eyes? Just until I'm with the Spirit again?

I believe that life offers opportunities enharmonically (notes). There are always two options for the same result. The difference lies within the approach to achieving it. One may be simpler to maintain depending on the order in which the opportunity passes. Altogether, we are given more than one choice that could lead to sound perfection. Another chance for better/different choices.

I'm falling in love with the idea that service heals. There are a couple obvious service projects I am working on and few - "side efforts" that will only be rewarding if credit is not rewarded. My high school calculus teacher Mr. Hickey once told us that he tries to do three things for his wife every day. These three things he keeps in secret from her - and if she finds out about one of these helpful daily tasks, it doesn't count. He has to keep on serving her. Striving to serve has benefited me more than those I actually serve. I hope for it to be the other way around soon. :)Jessie, the homeowner was there with us working on it. I couldn't have known a more hard-working appreciative person to be truckin through those shingles with me. I am thankful to know her.

The pain comes from actually knowing. Intuition. I wish to abandon it. The one thing that I feared from the very beginning actually has been the gap between making anything real. I was right, even though I had been almost convinced I was wrong. This is the second occurrence of this notion. Maybe I should listen to it next time. I will finally be able to listen to the still small voice with optimism. In those days I refuse to believe to once again embrace this pain. Honesty becomes most important when you are also honest with yourself. Will I ever learn this lesson?

Beats: Come Clean-Eisley
(it's a cold and it's a broken) Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

Backbone

2008-10-24T08:18:00.000-05:00

Tunes: Eisley - Treetops/I wasn't prepared

I will be writing a response to my last blog soon. A friend was abruptly leaving the state and I wanted to take some visiting time.

Hez, (response to comment from Oct. 23)

Thanks for taking the time to read through those! I like to just put those links up there just in case. Most of the time I think they are just for my own reference. I have really been thinking about temple marriages as the only marriage I want.

I know this will probably be controversial to a lot of people who read this, but I really just want to be open about what is going on with my life. A lot of my blog is written with intention to be cryptic Whether or not I achieve this, or even intend to be cryptic is just left up to how you interpret my text. The basic intention is to allow a gap in the conversation. Since blogs are mostly a one-way circuit of thought, I am hoping that anyone feels like they can learn about the conditions of my life, but also respond to them. It always makes me happy to read comments.

So back to the primary issue. I have been thinking a lot about Sealings in the Temple. I believe that I have a testimony about the temple, and will share those with you as soon as I am able to sit down at my computer again (not at work).

"My mind still works, but it's not the same"

2008-10-23T10:06:00.000-05:00

That line refuse leave me alone! Soldier Boy - Mason Jennings
It's getting Marshy this time of year!

I wore my green coat today for Ali. I miss that girl. I missed my coat. At least I can have one of those at a time. Not my preference though. ;o)

I have a lot to learn about what I need. And who can help me fulfill those needs. This is a magazine for the youth, but its simplicity and purity really gave me some information about temple marriages to ponder. It reinforces my testimony for the righteousness of sealings (temple marriage ordinance).

NEW ERA 2004 (LDS Youth Magazine) Special Issues: Dating and Temple Marriage

General Conference April 2007 (177th Annual)
General Conference is a series of instruction given to the body of the church by the General authorities and officers of the Church. It is broadcasted worldwide to give insightful inspiration for those who listen. I attended my first this October, and felt truth of their words and the presence of the Spirit burning inside of me. If anyone ever has time, and especially those who haven't experienced this, please listen to one of the talks. I think a good one to start with would be the Oct. 2008 talk by Uchtdorf on The Infinite Power of Hope. You can read or listen!

"[Jesus] provides simple words, eloquently"

Goal: I am going to try to not just expand vocabulary, but actually understand the language and true meanings of the words I speak. This is always interesting to me, and very powerful when used correctly and appropriately. With sincere understanding of what I explain to people about my perspectives, I will be able to sustain stregnth and humility like Christ did when he taught.

"The words reverence and revelation are like twins who like each other's company"

Hymn: "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me."

Tetris Tiles:

I remembered the rest of my dream...

2008-10-22T20:00:00.000-05:00

<> more to follow...

OKAY my dream. Upon all this Russian stuff, I remember what it really was about. We were staying in an old farmhouse in the middle of the country with some other random people. Prairies grew right up to the back porch, and mountains framed the scene in the background. This one man, Charlie, just got baptized when all these mysteries about the haunted house came about. We found the grave, and guessed what was happening (basic horror plot line before the climax), and THIS turned out to be the climax before I woke up: Charlie ended up leaving the church out of fear. The LDS church (church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) keeps documents of your baptism/other ordinances/membership in the church. He turned out to be a link in the mystery, he didn't want this dead Russian - or conspirators - to be able to find documentation on him. I have a vision of him running down the valley away from the house, and away from The Church and I felt devastated that he turned his back on what he felt was the truth because he let fear (the adversary) overcome him. I woke up with a melancholy thought.

Any interpretations? I have my own, but I'm always interested.

I am getting close to my baptism date (around Nov. 22nd), so I have been having dreams and answered prayers and have felt the Holy Spirit and the Adversary very strongly.

Random sites I need to remember to visit. Thought someone else might find them useful too :)

http://www.epicurious.com/

camera review

https://www.noisetrade.com

My Aunt Connie's Birthday video!

When life gives you lemons, find an open wound.

2008-10-21T09:05:00.000-05:00

And the early worm gets the bird.
But the second mouse gets the cheese.

P.S.
This is getting a little ridiculous!

They like the convenience factor.

Orange County registrar of voters, on the good response voters have had to a drive-through voting center set up in a California parking lot

I dreamed about a Russian last night. And there was a mystery that had to be solved. WE figured out that the word on the grave was not in English, but it was in Russian - and some of the letters needed to be switched around. For some reason, in the dream I could read Russian, and knew it said "Murderer". I visually remember what the word looks like, and am curious to know if my brain conjured up the right word. Strange.

student of this life

2008-10-18T22:13:00.000-05:00

Today like many, I was running away. I circled and came back to a house with piles of wood at their sidewalk. I ran to my car to pick it up. More projects to tease my mind.
I talked with the people ripping out the basement of the house, who spoke of disgust about the condition the previous tenant left it in. The next door neighbor walked over to me after they had gone back to their business. She commented that she was happy to see some new neighbors. I told her I was just scavenging, and that the people, I believed, were just trying to sell the home. She still seemed satisfied.

I suppose that I was thinking about this tenant quite a bit as I loaded my trunk. I looked around these items - an old temperature gage, a corner cabinet, wall panels, orange grunge carpet, encyclopedias. Everyone spoke of these things as such a burden to their activity. What about this old man? He did not even have relatives to clean up his house and go through his possessions. The neighbors were glad to see someone ELSE moving in. Old kicked to the corner. I just pray that he had warmth in his life, because the afterthoughts of him seemed barren and cold.

What thoughts will I leave behind?

Attitudes have changed on love stories in movies. I can't fall for any of them anymore. I rarely think there are enough factors for realistic relationships. They used to help for emotional release, and now I just ignore that part of the plot, and find entertainment in the intermediate stories (Or in the case of Across the Universe the political/social/artistic stories). Maybe I'm unconsciously joining the male perspective.

Today Hogan came to visit my apartment. :O) Kara and I are baking bananananananananana bread right now. yummy.

I want to hold your hand - The Beatles

Arduous Endeavors

2008-10-17T16:35:00.001-05:00

Brilliance:
Connor Oberst of Bright Eyes

David Dondero and HIS yellow bird
(I'm stalking this blogger since I value his choices)

NOTCOT
(These are some original Industrial Designs that I am interested in)

Leif Erikson - Interpol

Location, Location, Location:

2008-10-17T10:32:00.000-05:00

http://www.archinode.com/gym.html

I think this may put ethics back into man-powered energy.
I'm certain Prison Energy still has it's perks.

Politics in Latin means "many blood-sucking creatures"

2008-10-16T15:10:00.000-05:00

I don't think we re-defined it too far from the original roots.

Regional Hospital User Meeting
I really wonder if the construction workers really think I belong there.
I wonder if I should too.

15 Oct @ Canopy Club
Mason Jennings Concert
This man breathes brilliance.

If you were a state, what would your nickname be?

2008-10-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

The Amphetamine State

I know what I need to do. I've considered all options. I've covered all aspects. I'm circling around them - back and forth. I'm speak of hope and growth. That's what it will become when I look back on this. I see the positive in the why this is happening.

But for now, I am 'stupified' with pain. And I think that is exactly how I should be feeling.

Sleeping is giving in.

2008-10-13T15:21:00.001-05:00

I do not like the Phrase "out of the box."
Primarily because I think there is no box in the first place.

I think I have lost myself in karma. There are too many time that I do something because it is of the norm, and assumed that those efforts are what I am supposed to be making. Where's my motive - my individuality? It's obvious when you meet me that I'm distinct in personality, but what makes me that way? Quirkiness? What distinguishes how I am living my life? Or my capabilities? I hate being a jack of trades, master of none. What do I have to show for my efforts? Will they keep coming with time? Who will I become? Or should I just be these in the site of the Lord?
Please. Please. Send the police after me because I want to be inspected and rejected.

21st Century Playlists
ryan adams - anybody
wilco - when you wake up feeling old
the decemberists - red right ankle
mute math - noticed
thethe - sodium light baby
bright eyes - you will. you? will. you? will. YOU? will.
ben folds five - selfless, cold, composed
headlights - signs point to yes (but outlook not so good)
pedro the lion - political science
spitalfield - plastic stars
explosions in the sky - day five
jimmy eat world - pain
eisley - i wasn't prepared
sigur ros - kk harpadi
the flaming lips - a spoonful weighs a ton
pedro the lion - start without me
l'onde amere - keren ann
frou frou - Psychobabble
arcade fire - rebellion (lies)
the autumn defense - revolutionary mind
the championship - the one thing i can forget
alien ant farm - movies
radiohead - sit down stand up
american football - the summer ends
pete yorn - on your side
dashboard - living in your letters

There are Tyrants in my Mouth

2008-10-13T14:57:00.001-05:00

Simonize

2008-10-13T13:48:00.000-05:00

Mass Romantic - The New Pornographers
Us - Steven Malkmus and the Jicks
Bullet - Mason Jennings

That's still too much music.

I still have conversations with you.

Even though you are not here.

There are a lot of smiles.

I don't want to stop.

3.6 miles

2008-10-13T10:55:00.001-05:00

Today I watched the sunrise.

Sorry Signs on Cash Machines

2008-10-11T21:37:00.001-05:00

Josh Harnett's voice is my vice.

2008-10-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

(response to Rachel's comment and to anyone else who has been keeping up ;)

---don't worry, I'm crying. Yesterday on the way home I listened to some good music, and had that writhing, guttural cry. Driving alone usually does gets to me. I really like Anne Lammot's writing, and it's next on my Border's book list.

My mom had me meet with our pastor today. The one who baptized me in high school. It is really painful to do since I think everyone takes my conversion as a personal stab. I've been through this experience with my seminary teacher, my pastor and his wife at my bible church from school, and my intervarsity christian fellowship adviser. It's tough, but I'm still pushing through with faith. I've had a year and a half's time looking into this--meeting with people--crying--conversing--comparing doctrines--praying--listening---I'm worn, yet I have finally found light. It's the hardest thing I've had to do by myself. This "disengagement" has been the 2nd. And somehow I am going through both of those right now with unimpaired hope that God wants to see me happy. I finally have an answer to one of these dilemas, and I have peace with it. It's not the end of my life, it's not a committment that I couldn't break if I felt that it was wrong down the road, and my salvation is not at stake. I know there are a lot of concerns for me, but I assure you to not worry. If anything, I should be the one worrying that anyone could ever treat me the same again without challenging these same decisions. But I am not disrupted by that. I know that I will be blessed for going through this. There is opposition in all things. Without this despair, there can only be brighter hope.

"Pimp Biscuit"

2008-10-10T13:57:00.000-05:00

This seen on a T-shirt at our company center meeting.

Does this mean it has too much butt-her?

A orillas de rio zorro me sente y Llore

2008-10-10T09:22:00.000-05:00

I read the book "By the River Piedra I sat down and Wept" by the same author as the Alchemist. I am going to say that once I get through the rest of the books I checked out, that one will be next.

A good friend suggested this as a good book, and it was the first time that I bought it within minutes of the recommendation, and then read it within that same day. I love reading. I can't believe I left the passion behind. The whole book was written in a thought-poetry which simulated my own thought process: Events occur, I question---all sides of it, and so did Pilar in this book.

These philosophical insights are what really expanded my thinking. Yes, there was a lot of idealistic, and stagnant ideals of what love really is, but that is not what I held onto. I was not about to make this experience another secular chick-flick. It has been done before, where women hold onto the emotional love scenes, and wish for similar experiences in their relations. BUT those were the things that turned be off from sharing this book with someone. I don't want that to be the main theme someone notices. The encircling thoughts and how she encompasses to change spiritually is what really related me to the character.

I've been praying lately, consistently. I've received answers. Visual ones. Verbal ones. and Bosom-burning ones. I want the Holy Spirit to stay with me at all times. It is so near. and comforting. and I am in awe that I have such serenity and steadfastness.

I think someone just had a revelation for me. It's incredible, and I believe it. Is that even possible yet?

P.S. Social work is good for the soul.

Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

2 Nephi 31:20

I really like "The Streets"

2008-10-07T10:48:00.000-05:00

I've had people recently ask me --- "you would never be able to move away from your mother would you?" with an almost condemning tone in their voice. The truth is, I wanted to answer, "yes." I have an honorable duty to whomever I marry and also to my family. I must learn to establish my own home wherever suits me and my 'suitor' best("he's a suitor! "- O Brother where Art Thou--this is for my reference, but for your own--i suggest you watch . I'm excited to endure these adventures on earth with the man I will be with for all eternity.

SO I need to get my life in order first. I am realizing that I am not independent enough to be dependent. Every time I feel like I have my life in order, it feels like I am ready. With so many times moving this summer, and traveling back and forth from Chicago, to Sandwich, to Peoria, to Champaign, to Missouri and back to Normal, I have not had enough time to get my life organized. I started last night with groceries. It was the first time I really bought stuff to cook since I've lived here. Healthy meals are my first goal. Maybe I can make some vegetarian dishes for my roommie too! Next I am reading 4 books that people have given me to read.

Philip is taking time to figure out the qualities he wants in who he wants to marry. He is looking at it in an eternal perspective, and trying to figure out which voids are most important that his wife should fulfill. He doesn't feel like we communicate as well as he has with some other people in his life, and it worries him. I think that it is very valid to question this, since all I keep hearing from people is the necessity of communication through the difficult times and even simple things that life proposes over time.

"all my vices had held me so well" I hope Mason Jennings doesn't make me cry next time I hear his voice live! He is amazing.

Simplifying

2008-10-06T14:43:00.000-05:00

I'm ridding of what I own. My goal by the end of this week is to get my parent's house cleaned of my junk, and giving away most of my possessions. I must learn to live with little if I am going to live at all. I am spoiled and over-indulged in worldly things. This will be my way to come "clean" before my spiritual cleansing. :o) Can I rid of my pack-rat ways? I have to keep in mind on the less fortunate, and the materialistic and look to which qualities I admire more. Emerson's isolation in the forest- a self-sustaining lifestyle with only the essentials is a role I may not be able to obtain, but I can still truly marvel.

My website listens to me

2008-10-06T13:14:00.001-05:00

This is my attempt to stay focused on the right things at work, and not think to much about monotonous conversations in my head. No one wants to know these things. But I can get them out and people can respond off their own free will if they care about the subject. Technology may be okay.

1. I called my credit card company to clarify a few things and they made a mistake. The lady was appalled that they had not updated my credit limit and interest rate yet since I got my "starter card". Product is that I am doing very well! I'm not bad at being an adult.

2. I got hit by a car on my bike the other day on the way to work. I'm working out new routes, but really enjoying the burn it is providing in my massive quads. It's refreshing too! I encourage you use alternate methods of transportation! Carpool! Bus! walk! It's good for your soul.

3. I'm visiting a family here in Bloomington to make friends. I will be attending their "Family Home Evening" (FHE). It's an activity that is recommended by the church to spend time with your family one night a week and read/talk/pray together. :o) I can't wait to hang out with some kids again!

4. I got a sort of "promotion" at work. I am attending meetings with clients now in Ottawa for the Hospital I have been working on. With all the crazy stuff going on, I got bold last week and wanted a change! Now I get to see how everything works in the space that I am designing, and learn how I can change it so the people can use it best!

5. I am doing physical therapy (for my tendonitous and carpel tunnel, and neck/back strain), and it requires a lot of attention and discipline on my part. I am to massage and stretch all throughout the day to get better. I almost wish that they could just shoot me up with something to heal it right away, but that's how our world works---we all want it now with as little effort as possible. This will allow me to slow down and really focus on how to improve my ways of living. I will become a healthier, more body-conscious person and work to correct my pain with proper posture and good habits. After all, it is our own temple! I need to start now to take care of it!

Baptism

2008-10-06T12:38:00.000-05:00

General Conference occurs twice a year for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I attended all the sessions this Saturday and Sunday for the first time. It really spoke to my heart and helped me understand how I am really supposed to be living it through. The audio/video will be posted on Thursday, and I will include the link if anyone is interested.

One question that I went into conference asking was about my baptism of fire with the priesthood, and entering into this covenant with Christ. I have been seeking this out for days upon months, and now I actually have recieved a confirmation. Within the next two months, I will be setting this up, and hope to share the experience with anyone who is curious about it---or even those who are apprehensive about my decision. With much thought and prayer, I have come to this decision. Please be open with me about your thoughts and I will be willing to discuss anything and everything. These past few weeks have been tough, but necessary in helping me see the light of this answer. I've already been allowed an idea of what God's plan is for my life, and I am comforted that He is leading me - guiding me - through these times.

Laugh with Change

2008-10-06T12:16:00.000-05:00

It's hard to be in a place where there are so many plans and pursuits depending on someone else. I feel like everyone is so far away and not that they are not there for me, but now I have no one to hold me. This is a great dependency. However, we are made to be in each other's company and not just connected through technologies. There is no greater way to be expressive and understood, than when in the presence of someone.

Normal is not so normal. I moved here, keeping in my mind that I always had someone missing me in Champaign. That no matter the hardships that we endured from this distance, and new places, that someday we will start a home here. For these reasons, I now feel alone. I have a roommate, yes. And co-workers. And church who have given me so much of their time lately. I am grateful for them, yet know that they will never fulfill what has satisfied my heart these past months. I need him, but agree that we need to cut contact. I love him, but agree that we should saturate that love to others around us. I depended on him for my future, but realize that the more we can laugh through all the extreme changes and take them as they come, life will be happier.

I am trying to remain hopeful and optimistic. I'm trying to repair what was torn from my heart. I've wanted to cry, but I know that I cannot shed a tear, lest it will in vain. The Lord demanded something from us that we ignored, and now he must help us learn another way. He will always provide what we need to be happy, and I will keep my eyes and heart open to make sure that I don't miss it!

PatienceNow

2008-10-02T07:54:00.000-05:00

The Day is Done

2008-09-30T16:42:00.000-05:00

This is a poem by Longfellow that I came across yesterday. I may not be a poet myself, but that doesn't limit me from finding words which describe my thoughts. I found it online so I can keep it close to my personal thoughts, here on this blog.

The day is done, and the darkness
Falls from the wings of Night,
As a feather is wafted downward
From an eagle in his flight.

I see the lights of the village
Gleam through the rain and the mist,
And a feeling of sadness comes o'er me
That my soul cannot resist:

A feeling of sadness and longing,
That is not akin to pain,
And resembles sorrow only
As the mist resembles the rain.

Come, read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling,
And banish the thoughts of day.

Not from the grand old masters,
Not from the bards sublime,
Whose distant footsteps echo
Through the corridors of Time.

For, like strains of martial music,
Their mighty thoughts suggest
Life's endless toil and endeavor;
And to-night I long for rest.

Read from some humbler poet,
Whose songs gushed from his heart,
As showers from the clouds of summer,
Or tears from the eyelids start;

Who, through long days of labor,
And nights devoid of ease,
Still heard in his soul the music
Of wonderful melodies.

Such songs have power to quiet
The restless pulse of care,
And come like the benediction
That follows after prayer.

Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet
The beauty of thy voice.

And the night shall be filled with music
And the cares, that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

I also promised to post my "engaging photos" so this is the appropriate spot for that:

It started off with Tim and Nicole's House for Waffles---stalling Dan to get the ring for Philip. I was intrigued by their baby girl, and their gracious company, so I thought nothing of it. Then we went to Dan's "waiting for him to move a friend" and he slipped the ring on the back of the toilet and I was just as clueless as roadkill. We stopped and got J-dogs (this delicious hot dog stand in Provo, Utah) before our trek back to Illinois. On the journey through the desert to the mountains, I was over thinking why Philip was so unresponsive and touchy....The following events portrayed his careful and stressful planning to which I found to be my only completely heart-dropping surprise.

We arrived at Hanging Lake - a hike to the top of a Lake and Waterfall that just suspend over the top of the mountain. Beautiful---and one of the places on my "to do before I die" list. We accomplished that, and also something else that I want to definitely do before I die....

Marry with all heart!

I was bawling and frightened and happy and all these emotions at once as he stood in the water to kneel--ring around the neck of the smallest of the Russian dolls he had been saving for his potential wife when he found them on his mission 5 yrs ago. I think those smiles are pretty genuine.

In celebration of the Sabbath the next day, we had PB&Js on the rode and I illustrated how though we are on opposite sides of the bread, we unite and will taste delectable----In other words, we are very different in all worlds of thought and experience, but somehow we were led to embrace each other.

More life stories:

Sandwich Fair

Radiohead concert, Lollapalooza CHICAGO

Cornboil: A Family Reunion!

I am going through a sense of chaos I can head to explain, but here are some daily thoughts that may intrigue you. I was reading through Alma 29 (Book of Mormon) and it brought me peace. :o) Look it up at www.lds.org

Alma desires to cry repentance with angelic zeal—The Lord grants teachers for all nations—Alma glories in the Lord’s work and in the success of Ammon and his brethren. About 76 B.C.

1 O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the ^atrump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!

2 Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and ^acome unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth.

3 But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.

4 I ought not to harrow up in my desires, the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their ^adesire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their ^bwills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction.

5 Yea, and I know that good and evil have come before all men; he that knoweth not good from evil is ^ablameless; but he that ^bknoweth good and evil, to him it is given according to his desires, whether he desireth good or evil, life or death, joy or remorse of ^cconscience.

6 Now, seeing that I know these things, why should I desire more than to ^aperform the work to which I have been called?

7 Why should I desire that I were an angel, that I could speak unto all the ends of the earth?

8 For behold, the Lord doth ^agrant unto ^ball nations, of their own nation and ^ctongue, to teach his word, yea, in wisdom, all that he ^dseeth</a> fit that they should have; therefore we see that the Lord doth counsel in wisdom, according to that which is just and true.

9 I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do ^anot ^bglory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy.

I'm in love and despair. There are many dealings around charity and love that have filled my time. I cannot seem to accept both gifts at once. I'll put my burdens on Christ's hands andd feet, for if I try to take them myself, he died in vain. He deserves my happiness, even if I do not.

Time is out of mind. I recieve lacerations in each step I take as I try to move through it. But time is what circulates my veins--bleeding out from the pains that somehow keep reinstating themselves. Emptying my mind through re-opened wounds.

I move on grow wiser, fainter, stronger. Yet am unveiling a series of mistakes that I'm already familiar with.

Why am I lamenting when I should be rejoicing? Life and time are only to be relished.

I'm in a fettle which I cannot escape, nor proclaim. Is there anyone who can hear the pain simply with a look to my eyes? I can no more believe that illustrations allow interpretation. Tell me, why can't a portrait reveal it's own story, it's own depth and knowledge? There is one path I someone to take, to embrace these portraits and to restore them to their own exceptional worth.

2008-04-29T00:57:00.000-05:00

A lot has occurred within the last months. As I look back, it could have possibly been too much to record. There is going to be a lot of difficulty explaining who I am now without looking into these series of events with much detail. I am going to try to attack this situation very soon.

I have thought to record some updated information in this blog to remember a church that someone had recommended me for when I (possibly) attend the Art Institute of Chicago for my Masters in Architecture. (Evangelical Free Church of Chicago on Ashland by Keith of IV)

I would like to remark that I have to idea what a Free church would entail. Maybe its members share freedom of religion. Which is redundant with the constitution. There is typically a lot of negative connotation attached to the word 'evangelical' as last year, I recall an 'evangelical' verbally abused and chased a poor Indian girl to her dorm. Although my church at home, St. John's Lutheran is an Evangelical Lutheran, which everyone in the church swears it is so much better than the Missouri Synod Lutheran churches for reasons I'm not sure they can spell out.

BUT maybe there is a reason I am supposed to remember this church.

TODAY's Readings:
Alma 5
1 Nephi 10-14
Acts 13-17
girl's bathroom stall at the Architecture building

At TwinCityBibleChurch this Sunday:

The kids were amazing once again. I had to go up to one of the mothers and ask her why her daughter knew all the specifics of the bible. She said that she had been reading it every day for fun and wouldn't let go of it! She probably could have been a better Sunday school teacher than I was! I am going to miss them, and hopefully I'll be visiting a lot!

There were a lot of baptisms, including Jaime's! It was a wonderful experience, and I felt sheer joy after!

This is my church mom, Barbara Edwards. She has been such a blessing in my life, and I can't say that I have ever met anyone else who is as excited about me as she is! Don't we look alike?

LDS Church:

Spoke on Procrastinating, and I honestly felt the Spirit in her words. I am procrastinating in everything: loving, caring, thoughtfulness, writing in a journal, reading, praying, getting in touch with people when I think about them -- act on those thoughts!, getting work done, reaching out! There are so many instances that I didn't even think I was procrastinating. I think that is my main problem and it is why I can't see what God's answer is for me. If I limit procrastination, I will be hopefully on the right track to hearing what He has to tell me about who He is!

Moon Sailing on the Water

2007-07-25T15:20:00.001-05:00

These were my pictures from my Great Uncle's 90th Birthday Party. AKA another family reunion! Even both of my sisters came! This Saturday (tomorrow) cornboil. Phil will definitely be there. AND all the usual festivities.

Awesome August 2nd. Jaime's 22nd Birthday, but it seemed like my own. Katie's 21st after Midnight on the 3rd. I love the summer, even though I don't get to see much of the sun, everyone just seems to be content and in better moods!

11-hour workday
Go-karting on the slick track
110 golf balls at the driving range
Burritos
Fireworks
Country Roads and Hidden Ranch/Estates
Donuts
Erm's Bedroom
Waterfront
Sand Volleyball
11 new friends
3 new scars
1 bruised to add to my horse-hoof crushed toe.
Yummy.

Posession of Blow

2007-07-24T20:51:00.000-05:00

i mean, its not like things have changed.
the cream still tastes the same,
and there is still nothing sweeter than sharing it.

Santa Fe, Sandwich IL
Yeah, they call this Mexican food.

Facing the android's conundrum

2007-07-23T18:50:00.000-05:00

Why do I feel like my life is so entirely extraordinary. I don't know if I am at peace yet with anyone who can't understand that. Maybe I am just not communicating it properly. Maybe God just grants us the vision to see it, we just have to be paying attention.

Breakthrough.

2007-07-20T09:47:00.000-05:00

4 on the 4th

2007-07-06T08:43:00.000-05:00

4 on the 4th, Elmhurst
#717 34:17 7th

I love that kind of stuff.

haven't posted my life in a while, so I'm trying to fill in the blanks.

Getting the next post published may take a while...maybe after the 4th day in the hospital, it will be more feasible. Let's just get through it.

and then there is no mystery left

2007-06-28T12:47:00.001-05:00

eH. cLoSe EnOuGh.
I was with Phil in the land of Aussies (Ozzies mind you).
How appropriate. An old boat.

And he was with me throughout Europe.
Very stylish with a hint of rebellion.

Sandwich, Yorkville, Wheaton, Aurora, Sugar Grove, Chicago, Wrigleyville, Champaign, Ridgefarm

2007-06-26T10:23:00.000-05:00

I am content with myself alone. 15 hours of driving can prove it.

I still have so many questions and must live without an answer.

I am convinced that I live in paradise.

I am mostly attracted to people with good vocabularies.
Fortunately only some people know how to arrange their words.

Hebrews 11

2007-06-20T10:13:00.000-05:00

Faith

11Now faith is the substance [1] of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 2 For by it the elders obtained a good report. 3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.

4 By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet [2] speaketh. 5 By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God. 6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. 7 By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith. 8 By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went. 9 By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise: 10 For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God. 11 Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised. 12 Therefore sprang there even of one, and him as good as dead, so many as the stars of the sky in multitude, and as the sand which is by the sea shore innumerable. 13 These all died in faith, [3] not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 14 For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country. 15 And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned. 16 But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city. 17 By faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac: and he that had received the promises offered up his only begotten son, 18 Of whom it was said, That in Isaac shall thy seed be called: 19 Accounting that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead; from whence also he received him in a figure. 20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come. 21 By faith Jacob, when he was a dying, blessed both the sons of Joseph; and worshipped, leaning upon the top of his staff. 22 By faith Joseph, when he died, made mention of the departing of the children of Israel; and gave commandment concerning his bones. 23 By faith Moses, when he was born, was hid three months of his parents, because they saw he was a proper child; and they were not afraid of the king's commandment. 24 By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter; 25 Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; 26 Esteeming the reproach of Christ [4] greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward. 27 By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king: for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible. 28 Through faith he kept the passover, and the sprinkling of blood, lest he that destroyed the firstborn should touch them. 29 By faith they passed through the Red sea as by dry land: which the Egyptians assaying to do were drowned. 30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell down, after they were compassed about seven days. 31 By faith the harlot Rahab perished not with them that believed not, when she had received the spies with peace.

32 And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets: 33 Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, 34 Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. 35 Women received their dead raised to life again: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection: 36 And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment: 37 They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented; 38 (Of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth. 39 And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise: 40 God having provided [5] some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.

Lessons

2007-06-18T00:13:00.000-05:00

Our differences are supposed to compliment eachother.

Hotdogs are best when eaten over a fire with a good appreciation of surroundings.

Objects in Mirror are closer than they appear.
Don't look too closely or become endulged in what you are looking at.
It will only put oily nose prints on the surface.

Water is better when it is moving. It always rains on my birthday.

"You don't have to hate them. You just have to think they are oppressive."
-Meghan (Merg)
sometimes feminism is okay.

New music on an old-fashioned way of life can help you live in the present,
while learning from the past.

No one will know unless you let them.
You will never know a truth until you respond.

Hands can block the light which may hinder your true sight.
The only hand that fits best to mine is the other.