MY CITY

It has just past the 3 years since I moved west and I'm starting to get confused as to which place I mine. There are big things happening during these two weeks an there are so many changes I'm still facing. When will this whirlwind stop? I'm an ever moving unit in a nonstop city. There has been hardly space to soak it in.
One message I have reflected on is my obsession with not being from here... It seems to come up too often to ignore and I wonder if I come off proud being from a place such as Illinois. Or sandwich for that matter. I just feel like it is my place, it is a uniqueness to a very 2 sided culture. Yet when I'm home and speak of the matter I am floored that I have been out and feel that I can be identified with this place which many still feel is the Wild West. I grew up thinking it was beyond reach, a day and hours away... And to think people are actually living where dinosaur bones have been discovered. So it leaves me in a place somewhere in between, still trying to find an identity or a next move and with little satisfaction of knowing that I may not be in total control. It's a magnificent and odd feeling to move away from your land. It's displacing in a way that only travel has made more possible in recent years.

And now I'm off to one of those half obligation half excited events, hoping to visit more the theoretical place that my mind sits, this blog.

LOREN, MATT + BABY

Baby Shower and Invite for our good friends Loren and Matt (who lived next to us in the mortuary). She found the best baby bedding online of mustard yellow and gray which inspired the theme. It was very simple and at low cost and it was the perfect night to be outside! 

 

FORGIVE THYSELF

I was watching the movie Melancholia and found an interesting blog hue&andhum which allowed me to remember that I could think deeply once. I dug up a painting I started and finished it this week. I will be needing some suggestions to either know if I'm really done, and if I should continue this series, or even paint ever again. Two things I've realized while painting--I will never be a "clean" designer and I am quick to absorb energy from people around me. This was an exploration on texture, as I used different recycled pieces of upholstery samples and filtered through different emotions while placing my brush strokes over each one of them. It started out as a multicolored city-scape to an interruption of organic explosions to coating it with purity and exposing myself being flawed in decision. Phip came up with the title, and I think he was dead on.

FRAMED

Our Temple Sealing: 30 July 2011photos by: http://hickersonphotography.com/

The most sound of all feelings exists starting this day. We will be together as eternity allows.

 

WIND RUNNER

Graduation has past, and so has job searching. What is next? What haunts my mind each day at work is the small increment I will make will gradually pay off my loans, how many more hours I have to complete my license, how many appointments I can make now that I have insurance, and how many minutes I have left until I can be released so that I may trot the 5 blocks home. My obsession with these numbers keeps me from having a genuine moment without thought. I still seem to be the cheeriest person of the office, and I am surprised at how much information I've retained, yet am learning at a significant pace. However, I'm afraid that my ambition exceeds the hours in a day and I wish to accomplish the priority as well as the pleasure markings on my list. In conclusion, a 18-hour day and a 6-hour nap.

I'm starting to feel the confinement of the city. I've extended my spirit to a hike last friday evening, yet I only crept to the edge of the wilderness. I need to set my being into the wind and venture on. As the country girl I once was, it's beside my nature to be confined to a downtown mortuary with no windows. To think I owned and often visited my canoe. I miss that small adventure. The float. I am in need once again to have some lone moments and indulge in a lyrical mess.