COVERED IN MY RUIN

"Words without thoughts never to heaven go."


I left you here,
covered in my ruin

I returned once more to the place now covered in soil. A tunnel to a new world. A different one which is now unrecognizable. How many faces will I pass as the wind blows my hair. And remains. Unnoticed. It is supposed to be that way because my thoughts will fade. But they have not yet disassembled themselves into the right place. I walk through the soil with my shadow--my feet on manicured ground and my black hole of memories bring longing for peace. O, maybe until the next time this lesson is learned.

LIBRARIES OF THOUGHT

I've realized something about men. Well, fathers mostly. After a lunch at a cafe I observed a father opening the door for his relatively bouncy 8ish year old daughter. He directed her to the pastries counter and continued to help each other pick out a treat. He kneeled beside her with his arm around her waist, pointing at each option. The way he held her and looked at her was with such admiration, and she the same. Moments like these with their fathers can do a lot for the daughter's confidence in life. For a daughter to always be reminded that she deserves the best of her father's attention, and also his thoughtful notions. I think a lot of little girls (with good balance, so they are not brats:) need to believe for a while that the world of their father revolves around them. As a father, the greatest morals that you can give your daughter are the ones they show them through love and example. Why not be the best man that she knows? Most importantly, daughters must hold the highest standard for their husband, and the model for that high standard should be her father.

This week (actually wrote this three weeks ago, but only now I'm posting!) we were asked to learn and focus upon the topic of prayer: How to pray with most respect to the Lord, as well as being able to pray for others before, or sometimes solely praying graciously for blessings. Here are a couple of things we can focus on while praying both at morn and night -- preceding and succeeding our daily life:

• Reflect on those occasions when we have spoken harshly or inappropriately to those we love the most.
• Recognize that we know better than this, but we do not always act in accordance with what we know.
• Express remorse for our weaknesses and for not putting off the natural man more earnestly.
• Determine to pattern our life after the Savior more completely.
• Plead for greater strength to do and to become better

I've had a lot of reflection and trial and error with this since then. The greatest form of getting "answers" from the Lord will always be my own process of thought and decision. Rarely do I feel direction from any other place. As long as I am focused on the right things, I will be forced to make good decisions for me and for my future family.

VALIANT VIRTUOUS VICTORIOUS

We often make decisions based upon whether it is socially accepted and politically correct. I am certainly and undeniably affected by these two factors. It makes my decisions extremely difficult, and the voice of the Lord decreasingly audible.

I am in the middle of deciding where to go to school. I know that I must. I have been prompted to go, and all other reason agrees. Money dominates. So does location. And also program. I'm trusting that whichever one I am supposed to continue education opportunity will open up. And all other problems will be dissolved as a product of maintaining faith.

"My name is Jehovah. I know the end from the beginning; therefore, my hand will be over thee." Abraham 2:8

Something I pondered in church this Sunday:
An understanding that a leader loves you right away helps create an immediate and trusting bond. It is easier to follow their example and instruction if this type of loving relationship is established - no question. This is very easily seen in the church leader types-pastors, missionaries, but more predominantly (for me) in the way the president and apostles in the LDS Church show charity-or the purest and most selfless type of love.

On top of these random thoughts, here is a possible complete one, quoted by a friend who is "easy to read". I hand-wrote an entry on this that I will hopefully type so that I can share my return thoughts.

"There are three time based lenses through which we can live our life. We can live in the past, in the present, or in the future; or perhaps I should add a fourth one because idealistically you learn from the past, live in the present, and prepare for the future. Realistically, I kick myself for the past, enjoy a few moments, and I obsess over making the future excellent. "
"Rationale also tells me that life is not a race, and everything will come in due time. Because I trust in God, all things will work together for my good. Trying to do it all on my timing and in my way will stifle growth and will stop the Atonement and the Lord’s hand from working in my life."

PATIENCE WITH A SMILE

As I was listening to some General Conference talks today, I was most taken back by a story by President Monson. He told of his life and the service in the church to which he was called. At 22 he became a bishop, and has served in leadership positions ever since. I am 22 and yet my heart will take much time to prepare to be minutely worthy and humble.Forty-four years ago, he was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. His faith, and the faith and confidence of his wife is something that I am eager to obtain. I fight my inner motives everyday so that I may have the right ones. I wonder if I will ever stop these cogent debates with myself. I know it will soon come natural, and I know the steps to take. I want to take strides, but I must lay line upon line. What faith we all must have in making decisions?--what patience?--what confusion when interupted by Satan's tongue while striving to hear the soft whisper of the Spirit?

Helaman 5:12
And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

MMMBOP

This is the first generation of my dad's Christmas present. I feel completely comfortable posting it, because I know that he is unable to access the internet. Probably will not recognize an internet explorer icon. I love him anyway :) . Only seeking some suggestions for improvements. I couldn't take the color out of the tree, otherwise it should be all black and white. I always need color.

Music: The Hill - Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova (The movie, Once)
The Body Says No - The New Pornographers
Small Planet - Ferraby Lionheart
Kissing the Lipless - The Shins
Else - Built to Spill

Chose the right and let the consequence follow.

ELATION

I just spent a good couple hours in the woods today. I walked out of my front door with a 3' pair of branch clippers and a camera. I was so brimming with appreciation for nature I thought myself silly and laughed aloud. It echoed through the trees, but the sound, felt as a secret. My smiling meant nothing to the trees or the meek grass I crumbled beneath me.

I walked inside, and glanced over while passing a mirror. I was beaming. My lips moist, nose blushing, and eyes alive. My features were softened, blemishes stricken clean. My skin was radiant and unveiling. I felt 12 years old again. I could see my youth in the reflection and remembered that I was beautiful. I did not feel vain. I felt as I would 10 years ago: confident, ignorant, exuberant! All that I knew became a cipher and could not dim my perspective of the peace I gained.

Music:
Bon Iver-SkinnyLove
Incubus-Aqueous Transmission

"MORMON"

I was baptized on Saturday into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! woohoo! I have a 12 page journal entry that I will be ever-so-willing to share with you if you want a detailed, thought break-down of the event! It was so amazing that I wish I could do it everyday! Obvious reasons object this idea, but I just wanted to expound upon how glorious it was. AND how peaceful and certain I feel about this decision. I will not be proven wrong that it will be difficult, but rather than endure to the end, I must rejoice to the end!

These two scriptures, parallel in understanding, have been the most helpful when I get overwhelmed with little things! Feel free to refer to them in your times of struggle!
Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

3Nephi 13:37
Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient the day unto the evil thereof.


The more resources we have, the more we get used to them. If we did not know any better, or learned to make ends meet, we would be more resourceful with what we do have. Could we return to the days of campfires and tents? No air conditioning? Our bodies would surely adapt. or die. How about no fuel? Would people still be happy? I say that we could. A little simplifying and "cleansing" of the world has to happen every once in a while. This is what I think is happening to our markets. Naturally, since everyone knows the market is going down, it will continue to do so. People will hold tight to there money and not be avid consumers. Therefore, it can only go up if we keep consuming. Certainly not everyone will start consuming at the same rate, and those who are faithful to helping the economy by buying products, will be broke. As for the cleansing, some times it is good to refocus our consummation. I find this true with the big 3 auto companies---sometimes it is good to clean out the moral standards of the company too. If they do recieve the bailout, then we know for certain that financially, they will be monitored by the rest of the country. I am not disregarding that this will not be devastating for people losing their jobs-, but at a global standpoint, it may eliminate corruption in the field, and return us to reasonable spending.

Anyways....random thoughts forced at the end of the work day :)

I am off to stay with my cousins to help with Thanksgiving dinner! I can't wait!

Happy Turkey Day!

HOLD FAST TO THAT WHICH IS GOOD

Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.

BAPTISM DATE: NOV. 22ND
BAPTISM TIME: 10:00 A.M.
LOCATION:
CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS
604 WINDSOR ROAD, CHAMPAIGN, IL

1 Thessalonians 5
21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

22 Abstain all appearance of evil.

23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

24 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

I'm not sure that I knew how sacred this place was when I took this picture. How beautiful and pure the stone, how vast the sky-painted ceiling symbolized, how short and few the pilgrimage would be. I stand all amazed. I feel peace when I look at this picture. I wish I could take back all the times I spoke of blaspheme against the doctrine, and ideals of the church. My intentions were pure, but my faith was not selfless, honest, patient. I believe now that it is the right time for me to be baptized. I do not think my desire or testimony would be this strong were I not to experience this rigor.

P.S. Did I mention how excited I am?

BLOOD TRADERS

I wanted to convey the 360 degree aspects of daily thoughts and issues:
Artistic:

I am inspired to keep aspiring.

Seasonal:

I am comforted that I finally was able to enjoy the joys of October this weekend: Tailgaiting, Afootball game victory, a stroll through the meados, Allerton's woods and plains, baking cookies, and most of all-the reuniting of a solid, lasting embrace. Or many ;)

There were many lasting images in my mind from these last couple of days on top of those events:

The Easter Bunny and basket scurrying to get costumes from the timeless van "Old Bess".

The warm sun while laying on the grass. looking up as
friends wearing orange passing bratwurst back and forth.
It was the only thing between
me and the sky. Yummy.

The massive blackness of the sky surrounding each speck of radiant white. And feeling as though I was that white in the overwhelming scene in the dark. And a shooting star, which could have fallen into my hand if I reached up for it.
It felt so near. It is near.

And the breath was drawn from my lungs at the sight
of a bleeding fall tree. It's leaves a fading yellow from green,
dripping at the edges with a blood red pigmentation. I've never seen
anything so beautiful and ominous in nature. It stood in front of me,
dying and withering. I had to help it. I plucked its leaves, and didn't look back.

I'm always curious about relations in all things. Is this my flaw or my strength? I'm told it is a flaw, but find it is the one thing I cannot rebuke.

Ethnical/Religious:
I am a mud blood when it comes to religious background. In a way I will be a blood trader if I marry(and mate with) a pure blood.
(Harry Potter analogy)


Political:

I took the drive to Champaign to vote. I figured that it was not really a problem to not change my registration address because I had an excuse to visit with people :). So I went the distance to fulfill my duty as a U.S. citizen. I had excitement that brought butterflies to my stomach this time. This election, unlike the others I have been able to comprehend, was actually one where the candidates were highly qualified and kept me intrigued. This time, it wasn't the better of the two worst eligble canditates, but rather there were candidates that actually gave me postive anxiety to know what it will be like in the next 4 years. Obama's speech made a pretty solid impression to unite us with our history as Americans, yet keep the success we have endured in the past as a vision into the future. Some people in the same room with me cried---that was a little intense for me-- but it conveyed their excitement. And that is peachy.

Political/Religious:
Change.
I thought that it was peculiar that the talk that President Monson gave was focused on accepting and rejoicing in change. This mere word - or phrase - "change" is very significant at this time because it is also the campaign slogan for a certain president of the United States. I have a few other reflections on this, but mostly thought it was neat that these two leaders had some great insight on the inevitable event we call CHANGE.

A confidence in the speeches given by Obama lies within the impression that I am seeing behind his movement. The ideas and aspirations for the approaches to getting America "out" of debt and reaparing the economy and restoring the impoverish--and the unity expressed in defying the racial segregation of presidents--I feel that this may reflect some undertone of the law of consecration that was a vision to the prophet Joseph Smith. This may be a stretch - and a large one in the timeline, but while I was praying about our country's leader, a lot of the connections were unveiled to me. Again, just a thought. In and outside of the office, I heard expressions of those who want to be self-rising in society, and desire an economy that supports those ideals. (Mostly republican-party only voters). That is kind of what America has founded itself in - a propheting society. I believe that if we really lived as a society focused on God, it will convey a world without poverty and wealth. This is only possible when people stop seeking personal success in the economy and start seeking and fulfilling the needs of the people around them.


Architectural:

I went to Champaign Monday night to AIA CI (American Institute of Architecture, Central Illinois) at the Alice Campbell Alumni Center (even tho this building was architecture gone wrong it won an award). Our company, Farnsworth Group won 4/16 awards given. I was able to drive my co-workers back in the company van (I was company DD!) and really enjoyed getting to hear their enthusiasm on how the speaker effected them/opinions on the too-fancy food they fed us (sushi/cucumber sandwiches, tomato bowls?). That and seeing Professor Selby and his little sports car always makes me smile :)

Cameron Sinclair is a hero. He, at age 22 had a brilliant idea which caused him to call the UN direct to start efforts with "building a better world". Unbelievable the capabilities that I am endowed to with just a simple architectural degree. When I am able to hear people like him speak about his Architecture for Humanity I feel as if I am falling short of my duty to the world. Yes, I cannot do everything, but the inspiration helps me feel like I can do so much more. I have little ties here--why can't I join the peace corp? Or work for him in India? I have these questions too often, followed by little action. I am tied here. I am expected to be around for my family and friends. Can I be justified in saying that the services I participate in are on a smaller scale? I want to be a part of something bigger, but with only small efforts, am I essentially a part of that bigger vision?

Design like you give a Damn: the company chipped in and bought this book. I will definitely be stealing it from the library. Sinclair drew us an opossum named Alex. It looks like a straggly ball of yarn. Maybe England doesn't have opossoms. Shame.

Religious:
How many times will it take for me to hang out with LDS members, to think the amazing way they live their lives common? I feel it contagious!

Musicalitastical (:
The Kinks
Miles Apart- Vetiver
NewNew Song - Tokyo Police Club
Car Alarm - The Sea and Cake
Adieu Mon Coeur (Acoustic) - My Brightest Diamond
11:59 - The Postmarks

Economical:
Filled up with Gas in Champaign$2.09

Recreational:
I won the sustainable/health award for our office! I got a $25 gift certificate for a health food grocery store for riding my bike/working out! Sweet! A blessing that God provides groceries when I need it!

Social:

This story ripped at my heart. Prepare yourself if you read this. It really drew my thoughts to those who are suffering and cannot receive justice for it. Living in America has been a blessing for a lot of us, and I really hope that we remember to focus on these issues. Especially in Prayer.

Domestic:

I'm sorry that everyone didn't get to try my cookies in time! The random cup of wheat flou I borrowed from the neighboring house made them taste a little more healthy than I enjoy. Here's your cookie. I still ate them three at a time!

Technological:
I uploaded these pics from my camera phone! Pretty spiffy!

Emotional:
At the mention, my stomach acid circulates
From the ache in my tissue to the breath in my throat.
I am at rest. It means nothing.

THINK FAR. SEE FAR.

I "wrote" this on my way to work this morning in rejoice of how immediate my prayers are answered:My pain is a constant reminder to turn to the Lord.
What a blessing it it to let the absence in my heart
recall my attention and dependency to Heavenly Father.
How I wish to endure these pangs throughout my eternities
only to ensure my journey is beside the comforting hand of God.
He acknowledges my sorrows and desires personally.
I rejoice that he knows and loves my heart so perfectly.
Allow my mind the attentiveness to accredit his presence
after the clarity overcomes my darkness.

Suffering do not leave me now.
I want to be lost inside it those before me.
I long to be as David, and Job. Even as Joseph.
To experience their happiness and perseverance in their closeness to Him.
My own desires be lost in these despairs,
for the day I am able to basque in the light,
only cleanliness will surround me.
I must endure until I can resist him no more.
I come only to the Lord broken and contrite.
My stubborn weaknesses will soon falter
Strengths will prove prevalent in my actions.
Change will run through my blood, and I will rejoice in the Lord always.


Does anyone get excited when they put a name in their phone and their name is a combination of the first letters on your number keys? Sweet simplicity.

Some of my pottery and my picture made this website!
The Pottery Shop, Normal IL
Soul Song: Eisley - A Sight To Behold
Song with Soul: I am a Child of God - Hymn

STUDENT OF THIS LIFE

Today like many, I was running away. I circled and came back to a house with piles of wood at their sidewalk. I ran to my car to pick it up. More projects to tease my mind.
I talked with the people ripping out the basement of the house, who spoke of disgust about the condition the previous tenant left it in. The next door neighbor walked over to me after they had gone back to their business. She commented that she was happy to see some new neighbors. I told her I was just scavenging, and that the people, I believed, were just trying to sell the home. She still seemed satisfied.

I suppose that I was thinking about this tenant quite a bit as I loaded my trunk. I looked around these items - an old temperature gage, a corner cabinet, wall panels, orange grunge carpet, encyclopedias. Everyone spoke of these things as such a burden to their activity. What about this old man? He did not even have relatives to clean up his house and go through his possessions. The neighbors were glad to see someone ELSE moving in. Old kicked to the corner. I just pray that he had warmth in his life, because the afterthoughts of him seemed barren and cold.

What thoughts will I leave behind?

Attitudes have changed on love stories in movies. I can't fall for any of them anymore. I rarely think there are enough factors for realistic relationships. They used to help for emotional release, and now I just ignore that part of the plot, and find entertainment in the intermediate stories (Or in the case of Across the Universe the political/social/artistic stories). Maybe I'm unconsciously joining the male perspective.

Today Hogan came to visit my apartment. :O) Kara and I are baking bananananananananana bread right now. yummy.

I want to hold your hand - The Beatles

BRAIN ON CAR PARTS

this is my brain on car parts.

To imagine, lives parallel for a while,
diverging without distraction.
It is imminent.
sins in shades of green seek me.
I bear them another color.

Sins in shades of black keep me near.
remembrance is my wont.
Smiles and blue eyes.
It is exigent.
pills to dry my leaks will remedy.

Grass is green where you want it to be.
Nature inside us always prevails
Happy with a secret.
One heart on one mind.
Why is it impossible to forget?

"each prayer accepted and each wish resigned"

Listen: Bon Iver - Skinny Love I like this album's bio.

Career-Path-Thinking:
Ottawa Regional Hospital
I cannot reveal too much from this meeting, since the design process in a firm is somewhat confidential. BUT, I've made a couple general observations that fascinate me about the construction process. We have designed a parking deck beneath an exting parking lot. We must avoid and preserve existing columns for an entrance canopy. This requires much coordination to keep the hospital functional, while at the same time progressing on the deconstruction/construction of the building and its corresponding parking. At the meeting, I observed how the CM (construction manager) assesed the plans and responded to every detail. Amazing how people coordinate ideas with actions.

It is important to earn the complete set of drawings presented to a client to be able to navigate through the pages. Clients must be given many options and visuals to comprehend the design intent. That is why a set of construction drawings have many details expanding each element.

Ideas/Drawings/Concepts/Measurement come first. I doodle them in corners of conversations. I record on scraps. I plan to act upon them. Pen and paper is a blessing to me. I cannot imagine life without them. I cannot imagine life without the use of my hands to materialize the ideas from the ink. It is the most satisfying feeling to see the scribbled lines and scattered verbal expressions transform into a substance. The building process. Creating only by observing ways in which these elements were combined---and combine them in a different form. The Creator is the only original. We only progress because we use the steps of the scientific method in everything we do.

The visual patterns of archtiecture intrigue me the most. I almost always have scatterED nerves in my stomach and an anxious choke in my chest when I think about designing a building that syncs with function, nature, aesthetics, technology, innovation, sustainability. And then to detail how all these compliment each other. Down to the detail of each material being held together. These are the things I have looked at all my life. My curiosity pushes me to understand that I may duplicate anything I see - and try to improve it. --I'm starting with furniture :).

7 Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred it be given you from me.

Doctrine and Covenants 9:7-9

"I can't see anything I don't like about you"
-"But you will! Then I'll get bored and feel trapped, because that is what I do."
-"Okay."

THIS IS IT

I made a playlist under that title about 2 years ago. The meaning has changed now. This is it. There is a new mindset now.

I'm damn well glad that not everyone can be as mentally developed as my thoughts are allowing me to be right now. If they were, why the hell would there be a use for perfect legs, or a magazine smile. I know I am not meant to be that person whenever I start to sit down and think for myself. It is such a privilege.

Today I made one of those shoe boxes that everyone talks about. To me it was just something literal I had to do.

So many paths have led me to this one that I am on now, because somehow I had refused to avoid the first signs that would have led me directly there. It has been worth the suffering, because right now, I am unable to feel any pain. For others, it might have carried on to destroy something else. Something that I have already been the victim of. But however you deal with it, life is continuing, and some chose not to deal just to be moving on, but not moving forward.

MAPLE SYRUP + MAPLE LEAVES

This is about the death of what I know

And the beginning of what I want to know


This is more than a journey from Champaign to Sandwich to across the Atlantic. It is a definition, a purposed and a will for living because so much lately has been worth dying for. But I found that wasn't my purpose--it was Christ's.
I have been running to the end of the world and I finally made it there today. I am pretty sure I got there by putting too much effort in that journey only to end it in disappointment. Many times along this road I looked toward jumping off the end of the world, but it didn't have the thrill that I thought it would. So I'm turning around.

Truth is, I am starting to love myself and believe in the few things I know about how to live.

This is the journey of how I get to that point.
I am no longer going to the end of the world, because thought like that are always naive after logic realization. Rather this journey must portray what it really is to find positive in everyone and beauty in everything.

"Can I purchase an extra seat for my musical instrument?" -FAQ British Airways
P.S. They do not allow harps in the plane.
This little thing at the top of the tractor is called a medallion. It is pretty. But it's purpose is what makes it so simply beautiful. It is a simple piece of metal there so that the farmers can line up their rows. My dad has been "super anal" about this tractor. He has made contraptions up the butt in order to sand, clean and repaint every nut and bolt. I love him.

I like that everything has a purpose.

I'm looking forward to the day rather than the nights. I'm looking forward to the silence now over conversation.Breakfast on the front porch.

"Because sometimes the lightest touch brings the strongest sensation" -dove commercial. so true.

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?
Genius show.
I think I was smarter than I am now. I wish I had that intelligence still. It was the point when I was put into advance tracks in school, and the first teacher that truly inspired me to learn. My mind was pure, naive, adventurous and willing. It was also a time for me to understand that I was not going to gloss up my lips for some boy. I didn't have the same ideals of getting a boyfriend, but rather placed emphasis on ambition to succeed on my own. (this is why i am a dork) I noticed after reading Number the Stars that I could imitate this strong woman myself.
Age and experience has told me the same.
Except now I know I can be a strong woman of Christ. And a sister to my brothers.

Our new bridge

This combo will always be my favorite. I miss dairy queen.
These are the gardens that we have. I love them. Can't wait to see what Europe has for me.

Someday before I have kids, I want to plant seed for them. In more ways than one. Literally it is to plant a climbing tree or a path of grass through the woods. But I don't ever want them to know I did it for them, or ever have them wonder why it was there. I wish this because I hope they do not have my mind, and over think everything. It causes to much pain for people. I just want them to enjoy it as I will simply watching them. There's no need to question things this much.
'Stop looking at me swan'
These were beautiful. They actually tried poking my face. Nice try swan.
I fell in love with swans when I was little. They were my favorite animal after elephants of course. I saw swan lake--the first one from the 80s, and then watched it performed by Oksana Baul at the Olympics. I think that was one of the first times I learned of a love story, as well as how music can be integrated into it. I wish I could find that version of the movie, but no one else has ever heard of it.
This will keep me on track for my trip.

If there is one other thing I love about small town restaurants besides the great food, its the un-matching coffee mugs.

These thoughts cannot be the least bit expressive of what I am thinking, but I am trying to express myself in an arbitrary way, that maybe I can only understand. I am not ashamed of my insanity alongside my past. I am writing thoughts that can't explain me, but probably confuse people about me. I like this game. Hopefully I will get to writing something important.
I finally bought a fern. Peachy.

These songs have so much more meaning to me now that I have this boggled mind. For some reason music seems to do that for me. Many guys have written songs for me, but don't know how much it does for me. Their record deals do. Their thoughts themselves understand sometimes what I need to hear, and more importantly what they can say for others who refuse to tell. I am intrigued by how planned out these songs are, and it is simply a higher level to me, or a more mature step in music that I am now looking at its poetry, and at the same time can have an overcoming feeling once the first note is played. Someone highly suggested these. As do I. This entire album has brought me a new education.

"I'll never show how I really feel or which way I'm gunna go. Even tho I'm here you know that I'm already gone. Since I can't read your mind you've got to tell me what you're thinking. I'm won't write it in the sky. No one to hold. The world will make a dream and a prayer out of our bones to find where we belong. Our shadows will remain even after we are gone." "So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow but when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black.And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole."

"I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong and falling down on your knees asking for sympathy and being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen and trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes cause when you showed me myself I became someone else but I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need I picture you fast asleep A nightmare comes You cant keep awake If I find my own way, how much will I find? I dont know anymore what its for Im not even sure if there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need. Maybe youre not even sure what its for any more than me."
"On the train ride to Paris or from sunny Barcelona...
We ran together down to the dock and you jumped right off it. and from out in the water you called me to join you and I said “baby, I can not swim if I jump I’ll surely drown you.” you said “life has no limit, if you’re not afraid to get in it.”What do you got if you ain’t got love?
Someday, someday soon, you and I will both be gone but lately I can’t help but think that the love we feel will live on"

Who ate your heart? You're cold inside. you're not the one I hoped for I'll see you on the other side The wind wouldn't blow me home to lie in your heart "of heartsvwill I ever see you again and lie in your heart of hearts."

"If I told you that I would call, I'm sorry but I lied. If I told you that I loved you, I'm sorry but I tried." -he says.

"Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong."