SHADOW PRAISE

In Praise of Shadow by Jun'ichirō Tanizaki is a book implying the ideals of the national Japanese character. The subtle life lived in shadow by the traditional Japanese has forever changed my perspective on the decay of material and the western push for science without design. It poses this unique questions: What would it be like if the Japanese were the first to design the toilet? Would it be made of wood so that with every use the splinters and rot would make you aware of that distinct experience? Would it place your feet in grass and draw your eyes toward a beautiful landscape? Is our world being designed and built for a much younger, faster generation without consideration for the elderly? Is there as much appreciation for handmade material and imperfection, especially when observed under the brightest fluorescent light?

COVERED IN MY RUIN

"Words without thoughts never to heaven go."


I left you here,
covered in my ruin

I returned once more to the place now covered in soil. A tunnel to a new world. A different one which is now unrecognizable. How many faces will I pass as the wind blows my hair. And remains. Unnoticed. It is supposed to be that way because my thoughts will fade. But they have not yet disassembled themselves into the right place. I walk through the soil with my shadow--my feet on manicured ground and my black hole of memories bring longing for peace. O, maybe until the next time this lesson is learned.

BULLETPROOF GLASS

Still loving strong...
Philip's idea yesterday to go on a jimmy johns picnic. :) We shared lots of kisses and laughs on that hillside. The summer air is cooling rapidly at night and everyday approaches the colors of fall more and more. O how I love the mountain air. My lungs can never forget how easy it is to breathe. Hoping to go on another hiking adventure this weekend before school starts!

Spiritual Thought
Proverbs 1:2-7 --- Proverbs 9:9-10
I personally long for understanding and ability to remember the scriptures and stories of the gospel. I want to be able to give people a thought that resonates in their mind and I want those words to come from my mouth, yet be the Father's. Those are exactly the things that I admire from Christian when I learn about His pure love, and I wish to set free those thoughts to someone else. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." To truly fear the lord - submit to his plan, be reverent and humble, study his scriptures and pray with purity of heard and exceeding faith, it must be always... and at every occasion. Only then have I noticed my wisdom and eloquence in teaching the gospel. And in those few times I have been able to be free with peace flooding my heart.
I've been preparing lessons for our women's meeting on Sundays and it has truly been a blessing. I am starting to overcome my fear of public speaking---something I prayed to be stronger in, so of course, I'm thrown into the wonderful task of standing up each Sunday and trying my best to humble myself and let the Spirit take wing.

Gracious Charity
There really is a love so pure. Mimi Locher, my favorite professor here at the U called today with an offer for me to take a TA position teaching first year architecture students (Juniors). It has really boosted my excitement to start the school year now that I have paid in-state tuition! Especially after being denied residency in Utah and questioning whether or not I could make it back to school this fall! What a promise from the Lord to take care of me, His daughter!

CALF CANYON AND ME

Our Design-Build Bluff coordinator allowed me a personal day to go on a hike since I was having some drama issues pile up from the last couple of months. I started off with a scripture reading, prayer, journal entry and wound myself around the lake into the canyons. I have never been so alone in such a vast place for so long a time. I sang, screamed, cried, 3-second delay echoed, ran, moped, skipped, and laughed out loud too many times at the thought of my actions. Someday I'll get enough permission to post the photo I wanted to. This day was all about me and my lone moment with the Lord's Earth. As always, I was released to freedom in my exuberance for these sacred three hours.

JOURNAL ENTRY 7PM

 "Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures"
Postal Service cruising on the Res every morning and afternoon. I'm lost somewhere between the landscape layering itself and these words every time.




Something in me changed today. I love Wednesdays here in Bluff. I love when in a classroom and talking about symbolism and mythology and history and how everything ties to this beautiful landscape. I'm in it right now and have felt inspired to appreciate my day on paper. Janet came in today where Haley and Jonathan and I spoke with her about selling her pottery and jewelry on etsy.com, a handicraft sellers website. I saw here eyes light up and her mind working behind them, in awe of how much she would be able to benefit. (Janet is the woman whose family we are building a home for here on the reservation. Her whole family is supported by her business of making pottery and lives off of only $9000 a year). My excitement matched hers. I couldn't wait to start documenting her items. :) The Merlin, her man, started showing Bob, Blake and I his and Janet's drawings for our clay wall. The symbolism in both her pottery and jewelry tells of Navajo stories and important symbols. Each is crated with these sacred meaning in mind. There is much planning and much thought. I love that she embraces her cultures so. I was illuminated by this moment.. That, and the clay that Atsushi, Hiroko, Blake and Bob hand-carried out of comb ridge was ready. My head is a spinning case of reels - my vocality in my dreams last night was a witness. This is precisely the time when I want to be artistic and create. It is the relief I seek and can feel. I wish there was time right now. soon. Wedding will be over. Decisions will be in stone. And I will be able to have my breath again.