METAGROBALIZED:MYSTIFIED

To be and curious and beautiful and filled with magic, and to not understand nor feel a need to seek understanding. Just to be elated in your experience. Sound, Sight, found with chills or fire inside.
I wish to be a child again, when everyday was a day I could imagine myself flying or swimming in the seas. To think I could defy anything this world has defined. But there is still glimpses of those times today. I live from each one to the next, knowing that I can bring someone else there with me. To show them what I see and feel, and oh how vast and uncontainable those sensations overwhelm me.

THIS IS HARD

ROOTED TO THE SPOT

I am finally in my apartment. There was chaos trying to get the right money to whom, trying to get my money back, and vaVoom. I'm moved in. I am having some friends help me sort through some of my stuff to give away to a holiday gift donation. Philip and I just completed our gift registration and I am feeling ever so materialistic. I wish that we didn't have to do that---click click on what we want want. If only people didn't buy such strange things like embroidered matching T-shirts for wedding gifts, no one would have ever thought of this idea. But it is over, and I feel accomplished, and am a little nervous to have something given to me that is way too nice to put next to anything I own. I am really bad at "getting" things and would only like to receive something if I had the time and money to give something equal in sentiment back. I probably will feel indebted to people all of my life. Which gives me a good reason to keep serving them. :)
I am preparing for the temple soon. I will be going to partake in the endowment ordinance, and will then be allowed to fully explore the temple and all its beautiful rooms. I feel so overwhelmed with excitement and privilege.
As I was reading, I came across this perspective, which deals with more than just spiritual issues, but also makes a great cultural point. I think it's a "shout out" to those women in those shielded countries. I just want to let them know that they are empowered by their veils and scarves. And that they know that from now on every time we read about them, our hearts break for their oppression, but soar for their strength.

-->"In many cultures, veils symbolize chastity personified. They indicate that a person is modest and filled with virtue,90 implying a "renunciation of the world."91 For example, some Islamic and Jewish women veil themselves to keep men from being distracted, this being a symbol of the fallen and weak condition of men rather than women.92 We read that, in an apparent display of modesty, Rebekah "lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac . . . she took a veil and covered herself" (JST, Genesis 24:69–70). "
I am currently doing very well in classes. I got an A in my first graduate course! Yay! And even though the professors don't outwardly give grades until the end, I have a good feeling about how my progress is going. It's like it completely doesn't matter to me anymore. I have let go of so many of my constrained old ways, and have broken free of all the regularity that my culture has structured inside of me. I am learning to be in love with the ideas inside people's heads. I want to know all of them. And even better, I want to know that they can blossom into existence. I am seeing some of that unfold, but am ever more ecstatic to see what will come in the next years. That among peers and professors and social connections are so high an intellectual level, I am surprised I'm even standing among them. What a blessing. And not only in academia can I understand this, but also right at my side.

Philip amazes more and more, and I couldn't feel his love truer than the color blue itself. I am on fire because of him. I am so lucky, and so blessed to have a life with him. And it doesn't end there! I have such faith that our family will be wrapped in the same fiery of love.

Like now, I always have to fight back my emotion when in this state of mind. I often get lost in a mode of appreciation (usually it's cyclical ;) and don't care to stop. Life has never felt so good. Every time I have a "high" it has been because I've recognized that my "lows" make it seem that much greater. There is opposition in all things, and once we break from that opposing force, once we come out of the darkness (it's even biological!) our eyes cannot even bear how great and beautiful the light!

It will snow soon again in the mountains, and then make it's way here in the valley. Those who know about Utah snow often speak of it as a nuisance. I wish they had the light that I see right now. I am new to the place, and newness fades, but O how great IS the newness of anything! I can't believe the beauty that is embodied in the snow here! I want to take a piece of it and carry it back to all of you!

I have so much love for all of you who have taken time to understand my sentence slaughtering. I wish all of you could be here so I can share the entire language of love with you. Find Peace. Talk soon.

QUOTE ON READING

"Clearly, the mark of a good article is that I have carefully read it on three separate occasions and still have no recollection of the topic." -Alexis Hankett

I couldn't agree more dear friend.

"THE SUN DOESN'T KNOW IT'S A STAR"

Silver Lake Engagment. Finally.

DESIGN BUILD BLUFF

Song: In the Backseat, The Arcade Fire
Movie to Watch: The Fountain
Working on: 3 projects for one class, 1 project where I go and sit in a Cathedral for 2 hours, not doing anything but paying attention to the architecture, and 1 research paper for Scandinavian Architecture
Activity: Rode my bike to school today (up a mountain 2 ways :) 5 miles in about an hour.
Thankful for: my camera, and new faces

One of the reasons why I chose the University of Utah included an experience unlike any other. I know have the opportunity to go down to Bluff, a town in Southeastern Utah, and build a residence for Janet Yonito, a Navajo Woman on the Reservation. Here are some photos of my experience in Southern Utah.

It started with 4 amazing girls in a Party Prius for 6 hours.Hank, our Professor

The Scorup House, in which the ladies will reside

  Some students in the program (20 of us + 3 full timers) I'm working on this one for our website possibly...

Check out our progress!

http://www.designbuildbluff.org/text/studentsblog/

D E S E R E T

"shedding of skin"

This photo was taken right before we left that Friday morning on our road trip. It becomes symbolic of a personal existentialism of letting go of the old, whether it be the physical property that I had to displace, or my emotional and spiritual sense of the land of Lincoln. For these moments that I am gone, I've left a big part of me there, my SKIN, but now it's time to bring LIGHT to the new. Plus, this photo is just plain gross looking, and if you're not grossed out a little bit by it, just imagine how close I had to get to this skin-covered tree. :)

Wyoming Windfarm off I-80
I've had so many spiritual experiences here. Maybe it's the place. Maybe it's the dream of architectural study. But I think it's the thought on everyone's mind that was chosen to be shared. Everyone's contribution in class becomes a spiritual thought, somehow tying to the care of our world, to the focus of giving other's a spiritual experience through architecture, and oddly, people sharing that most of their spiritual experiences in life were brought by experience, by lovers, and by their own children. I've realized that I have just begun. If I can continue to embrace this swelling of heart in every field of my life, whether it be school, work, nature home, activity,phone conversation, then I will be full.

KING ME

Sailing this weekend. There will always be something captivating about the texture the wind places on the sail. The out-of-control anxiety you feel when the wind changes direction and the jib sways closely overhead. Then, a brisk moment of relaxation based upon complete satisfaction. We all felt it. And then, when you feel comfortable again, you realize you aren't moving. Nothing catches. It's just one substance of matter reacting with another. Symbiosis is but a fleeting tease.

I wouldn't know what to do without it (secretly). And somehow, I'm excited to thrive on something that life throws at me so often.

Immediately upon meeting someone, you decide what that impression is going to be. You either approach the relationship with optimism or expectation, unless you have no interest whatsoever. Either way, it may not be a consious decision, but it's one that's controlled.

--> Would anyone want to answer the question: How do you think God is in everything? I had an exploding conversation on this topic, and will soon find the time to share these insights. As for now, I was hoping that I could get some other readers to contribute. 

Oh yes,  and this: Ever noticed how nicely the 2 checker pieces fit so nicely together with their alternating grooves? Yep. Spooning could be closely related. ...and that awkwardly reminds me of how much fun it is to have a roommate again! A present body to accompany, new and inspired conversation, accountability, and finally, my fridge is full.

HOW MY HEART BEHAVES

A cold heart will burst
if mistrusted first.
A calm heart will break
If given a shake

LISTS

Movie: "Life isn't just about death. It's about the living." -My Girl

Future Purchase: Chevy Volt on a Series Hybrid

Spiritual Thought:
Life is more than death. Life is mortality. It is a chosen state to which we all came into: to live a life of choice and enduring to live God's will. We are here to be tested upon our responses to our trials and blessings. We will be judged according to how much faith we show in our actions to better ourselves, and the selflessness we portray through the process. We will return again to the presence of our God, and take the experiences with us to continue serving his kingdom of glory.

HoPe:
That I will have twins. Supposedly it's our generation to have one, and my cousins haven't popped out any yet so.....maybe grandma saved those genes for me. Kind of a silly request, I know ;)

Ice Cream:Ben and Jerry's Fish Food
Provident Living:
AIA YAF Publication design editor
Designing Bamboo Furniture for the Solar Decathalon 2009 (Actually will be built)
LEED Accreditation Exam
Knitting my first blanket
Phone Calls (this one never sounds like a challenge, but it really is difficult to keep up important relationships without them! And so hard for me to talk on the phone!)
Trying to learn some piano..
Eating Healthy
Training for Half Marathon!
Keeping my Budget
and much more mental improvements....

Prayer:
I never get answers during the act of praying. I sometimes get direct council from reading scriptures, and the other portion of times am just reading to use what I learn to apply to other situations. I often receive answers by living out my life. By serving others, making educated decisions, counseling with others, and forward motion.

Friend:
Jaime Dewaele
Thanks for grocery shopping and visiting me!


Playlist:

you should see the stereogum.com mp3 player here if you have flash

LIBRARIES OF THOUGHT

I've realized something about men. Well, fathers mostly. After a lunch at a cafe I observed a father opening the door for his relatively bouncy 8ish year old daughter. He directed her to the pastries counter and continued to help each other pick out a treat. He kneeled beside her with his arm around her waist, pointing at each option. The way he held her and looked at her was with such admiration, and she the same. Moments like these with their fathers can do a lot for the daughter's confidence in life. For a daughter to always be reminded that she deserves the best of her father's attention, and also his thoughtful notions. I think a lot of little girls (with good balance, so they are not brats:) need to believe for a while that the world of their father revolves around them. As a father, the greatest morals that you can give your daughter are the ones they show them through love and example. Why not be the best man that she knows? Most importantly, daughters must hold the highest standard for their husband, and the model for that high standard should be her father.

This week (actually wrote this three weeks ago, but only now I'm posting!) we were asked to learn and focus upon the topic of prayer: How to pray with most respect to the Lord, as well as being able to pray for others before, or sometimes solely praying graciously for blessings. Here are a couple of things we can focus on while praying both at morn and night -- preceding and succeeding our daily life:

• Reflect on those occasions when we have spoken harshly or inappropriately to those we love the most.
• Recognize that we know better than this, but we do not always act in accordance with what we know.
• Express remorse for our weaknesses and for not putting off the natural man more earnestly.
• Determine to pattern our life after the Savior more completely.
• Plead for greater strength to do and to become better

I've had a lot of reflection and trial and error with this since then. The greatest form of getting "answers" from the Lord will always be my own process of thought and decision. Rarely do I feel direction from any other place. As long as I am focused on the right things, I will be forced to make good decisions for me and for my future family.

VALIANT VIRTUOUS VICTORIOUS

We often make decisions based upon whether it is socially accepted and politically correct. I am certainly and undeniably affected by these two factors. It makes my decisions extremely difficult, and the voice of the Lord decreasingly audible.

I am in the middle of deciding where to go to school. I know that I must. I have been prompted to go, and all other reason agrees. Money dominates. So does location. And also program. I'm trusting that whichever one I am supposed to continue education opportunity will open up. And all other problems will be dissolved as a product of maintaining faith.

"My name is Jehovah. I know the end from the beginning; therefore, my hand will be over thee." Abraham 2:8

Something I pondered in church this Sunday:
An understanding that a leader loves you right away helps create an immediate and trusting bond. It is easier to follow their example and instruction if this type of loving relationship is established - no question. This is very easily seen in the church leader types-pastors, missionaries, but more predominantly (for me) in the way the president and apostles in the LDS Church show charity-or the purest and most selfless type of love.

On top of these random thoughts, here is a possible complete one, quoted by a friend who is "easy to read". I hand-wrote an entry on this that I will hopefully type so that I can share my return thoughts.

"There are three time based lenses through which we can live our life. We can live in the past, in the present, or in the future; or perhaps I should add a fourth one because idealistically you learn from the past, live in the present, and prepare for the future. Realistically, I kick myself for the past, enjoy a few moments, and I obsess over making the future excellent. "
"Rationale also tells me that life is not a race, and everything will come in due time. Because I trust in God, all things will work together for my good. Trying to do it all on my timing and in my way will stifle growth and will stop the Atonement and the Lord’s hand from working in my life."

PATIENCE WITH A SMILE

As I was listening to some General Conference talks today, I was most taken back by a story by President Monson. He told of his life and the service in the church to which he was called. At 22 he became a bishop, and has served in leadership positions ever since. I am 22 and yet my heart will take much time to prepare to be minutely worthy and humble.Forty-four years ago, he was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. His faith, and the faith and confidence of his wife is something that I am eager to obtain. I fight my inner motives everyday so that I may have the right ones. I wonder if I will ever stop these cogent debates with myself. I know it will soon come natural, and I know the steps to take. I want to take strides, but I must lay line upon line. What faith we all must have in making decisions?--what patience?--what confusion when interupted by Satan's tongue while striving to hear the soft whisper of the Spirit?

Helaman 5:12
And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.