29 May 2007

BARCELONA BIRTHDAY

 
It is now 0:00 in Barcelona and 5 p.m. in the states. I don't want it to be my birthday right now.  It's just not going to feel right.


This picture is taken in commemoration of how I got my shoelaces double-knotted. A little British boy, Shane was in front of us in line for the plane for Barcelona, and told us he was a 'chatterbox'. He said I should probably learn to double-knot my shoes, so I told him just to do it for me. Neat. Anyways, I think that we had one of the longest conversations on my trip, as he explained his love for being a ball boy at soccer games, packman on gameboy micro, all in a spiffy little accent. Made my day :)
Leaving for Roma tomorrow after enjoying a nice day of Gaudi, and an afternoon at the beach!




26 May 2007

LONDON LONDON

Cheerio from London!

It is finally appropriate for me to annoy everyone with my British accent. Some girls in Canterbury said that our accent was quite posh and were so intense about learning it and imitating us! According to them, my accent rocked, so we exchanged American items from our purses with English ones. Good night this was. I loved Canterbury and its quaint old-fashioned town. The mall was practically the entire town, and every building was historical. There was a church there that was 800 years old, and it is just amazing how its stones are resilient after all these years. I am sorry I cannot post pictures now, but I am using one of their business centers for free...o how snappy! I will be sure to do that at home, because my numbers are up to 900 photos. I'll try to cut back 2 or 3.

So this adventure has led me to alternating conclusions on how life may turn for me this time. I have a number of journal entries that I will post after I get home, but reading over them circulates my mind into confusion. I explain in many circumstances that I am numb to love, yet there are still moments after where I break down to want nothing more. I learn what I want from observation, but yet not have understood that from God. I have been playing a game of 'I am weak, but I am strong' and this dichotomy construes my efforts to ever settle on what I must accomplish. However, I must live in this moment, and "a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life" (Titus 1:2). I can not put this much hope in someone else, but can always place all my hope in God. (Titus 3:3-6)

From a quote by "Shakespeare in Love" on the plane, Shakespeare asks,

"How does this end?"
"I say with tears and a journey"

now an assurance that with time, realization will come. With more love, so will come the healing.

I love and miss you.

11 May 2007

MAPLE SYRUP + MAPLE LEAVES

This is about the death of what I know

And the beginning of what I want to know


This is more than a journey from Champaign to Sandwich to across the Atlantic. It is a definition, a purposed and a will for living because so much lately has been worth dying for. But I found that wasn't my purpose--it was Christ's.

I have been running to the end of the world and I finally made it there today. I am pretty sure I got there by putting too much effort in that journey only to end it in disappointment. Many times along this road I looked toward jumping off the end of the world, but it didn't have the thrill that I thought it would. So I'm turning around.

Truth is, I am starting to love myself and believe in the few things I know about how to live.

This is the journey of how I get to that point.
I am no longer going to the end of the world, because thought like that are always naive after logic realization. Rather this journey must portray what it really is to find positive in everyone and beauty in everything.


"Can I purchase an extra seat for my musical instrument?" -FAQ British Airways
P.S. They do not allow harps in the plane.
This little thing at the top of the tractor is called a medallion. It is pretty. But it's purpose is what makes it so simply beautiful. It is a simple piece of metal there so that the farmers can line up their rows. My dad has been "super anal" about this tractor. He has made contraptions up the butt in order to sand, clean and repaint every nut and bolt. I love him.

I like that everything has a purpose.

I'm looking forward to the day rather than the nights. I'm looking forward to the silence now over conversation.
Breakfast on the front porch.

"Because sometimes the lightest touch brings the strongest sensation" -dove commercial. so true.

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?
Genius show.
I think I was smarter than I am now. I wish I had that intelligence still. It was the point when I was put into advance tracks in school, and the first teacher that truly inspired me to learn. My mind was pure, naive, adventurous and willing. It was also a time for me to understand that I was not going to gloss up my lips for some boy. I didn't have the same ideals of getting a boyfriend, but rather placed emphasis on ambition to succeed on my own. (this is why i am a dork) I noticed after reading Number the Stars that I could imitate this strong woman myself.
Age and experience has told me the same.
Except now I know I can be a strong woman of Christ. And a sister to my brothers.

Our new bridge

This combo will always be my favorite. I miss dairy queen.
These are the gardens that we have. I love them. Can't wait to see what Europe has for me.

Someday before I have kids, I want to plant seed for them. In more ways than one. Literally it is to plant a climbing tree or a path of grass through the woods. But I don't ever want them to know I did it for them, or ever have them wonder why it was there. I wish this because I hope they do not have my mind, and over think everything. It causes to much pain for people. I just want them to enjoy it as I will simply watching them. There's no need to question things this much.
'Stop looking at me swan'
These were beautiful. They actually tried poking my face. Nice try swan.
I fell in love with swans when I was little. They were my favorite animal after elephants of course. I saw swan lake--the first one from the 80s, and then watched it performed by Oksana Baul at the Olympics. I think that was one of the first times I learned of a love story, as well as how music can be integrated into it. I wish I could find that version of the movie, but no one else has ever heard of it.
This will keep me on track for my trip.

If there is one other thing I love about small town restaurants besides the great food, its the un-matching coffee mugs.

These thoughts cannot be the least bit expressive of what I am thinking, but I am trying to express myself in an arbitrary way, that maybe I can only understand. I am not ashamed of my insanity alongside my past. I am writing thoughts that can't explain me, but probably confuse people about me. I like this game. Hopefully I will get to writing something important.
I finally bought a fern. Peachy.

These songs have so much more meaning to me now that I have this boggled mind. For some reason music seems to do that for me. Many guys have written songs for me, but don't know how much it does for me. Their record deals do. Their thoughts themselves understand sometimes what I need to hear, and more importantly what they can say for others who refuse to tell. I am intrigued by how planned out these songs are, and it is simply a higher level to me, or a more mature step in music that I am now looking at its poetry, and at the same time can have an overcoming feeling once the first note is played. Someone highly suggested these. As do I. This entire album has brought me a new education.

"I'll never show how I really feel or which way I'm gunna go. Even tho I'm here you know that I'm already gone. Since I can't read your mind you've got to tell me what you're thinking. I'm won't write it in the sky. No one to hold. The world will make a dream and a prayer out of our bones to find where we belong. Our shadows will remain even after we are gone." "So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow but when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black.And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole."

"I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong and falling down on your knees asking for sympathy and being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen and trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes cause when you showed me myself I became someone else but I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need I picture you fast asleep A nightmare comes You cant keep awake If I find my own way, how much will I find? I dont know anymore what its for Im not even sure if there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need. Maybe youre not even sure what its for any more than me."
"On the train ride to Paris or from sunny Barcelona...
We ran together down to the dock and you jumped right off it. and from out in the water you called me to join you and I said “baby, I can not swim if I jump I’ll surely drown you.” you said “life has no limit, if you’re not afraid to get in it.”What do you got if you ain’t got love?
Someday, someday soon, you and I will both be gone but lately I can’t help but think that the love we feel will live on"

Who ate your heart? You're cold inside. you're not the one I hoped for I'll see you on the other side The wind wouldn't blow me home to lie in your heart "of heartsvwill I ever see you again and lie in your heart of hearts."

"If I told you that I would call, I'm sorry but I lied. If I told you that I loved you, I'm sorry but I tried." -he says.

"Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong."