I OPEN AT THE CLOSE

My apartment has become an atelier, projects strewn throughout. It is nice having space for that reason. I have been working on Christmas presents, but am afraid that my priorities have been reset to applying for a Master's program. I will be sure to continue them after the 15th!

THE PAINTED VEIL

Kitty Fane: [about Wan Xi] I had no idea you had so much affection for her. Waddington: What makes you think I do? Kitty Fane: I can see it in your eyes. I wonder what she sees in you. Waddington: [In Chinese] What do you see in me? Wan Xi: [to Waddington] You're a good man. Waddington: She says I'm a good man. Kitty Fane: As if a woman has ever loved a man for his virtue.

These lines in the movie were moving to me. It's been years since I've had my eyes set on the unjustified virtue that I seek. I've made my list, and have checked it thrice.

PENSIVE

A thief with wings took me away.
But it was really time that was stolen.
Each time I closed my eyes since then
I find my world dark,
looking through the branches to the stars.
How momentary...insignificant...unrevealing it was.
I get chilled to recall my body in that space.
Floating with and falling without.

Still, I extract grey eyes of candour and peace.
And press onward one morrow after another.

-my attempts.

My trip to Austin remedied my cabin fever. The weather was warm and sun blinding. I endured relaxation and laziness as a gift. I learned what greasy pig night was and became a connoisseur of root beers. I had the dominant, strong, Dimick women open up to me as a fellow sister. I found that I have a will always have a special love for each of the Dimicks, wherever life takes me. Most of what I've learned is that I must be dominant, not over anything but my own thoughts. Life will press onward and I will go with it.

MMMBOP

This is the first generation of my dad's Christmas present. I feel completely comfortable posting it, because I know that he is unable to access the internet. Probably will not recognize an internet explorer icon. I love him anyway :) . Only seeking some suggestions for improvements. I couldn't take the color out of the tree, otherwise it should be all black and white. I always need color.

Music: The Hill - Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova (The movie, Once)
The Body Says No - The New Pornographers
Small Planet - Ferraby Lionheart
Kissing the Lipless - The Shins
Else - Built to Spill

Chose the right and let the consequence follow.

RETALIATION

Today my mom and I made a "personal" Thanksgiving dinner for our family (excluding Kara). I really know that she loves cooking if she can have that feast twice in one week!

During our preparation, the TV in the background caught my attention. I believe the television show to be My Little Pony, but what I learned next was nonetheless disturbing. The entire show was about an anorexic horse. If this is the subliminal way to teach our youth to think against anorexia, I think we are pushing it. I heard the animated horse say "You just don't want me to eat because you want to win the championship. Well I'm not going to eat because I am fat, instead I am going to run laps around the pasture!" Seriously?

Music:
Welcome to your life - There's no turning back
Nearer, My God to Thee

Movies:
Weird Science
Kung Fu Panda

"You are like this water. When it is agitated, it becomes difficult to see."
"One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."
"Actually, when I was young and crazy, I thought about running away and learning how to make tofu."

ELATION

I just spent a good couple hours in the woods today. I walked out of my front door with a 3' pair of branch clippers and a camera. I was so brimming with appreciation for nature I thought myself silly and laughed aloud. It echoed through the trees, but the sound, felt as a secret. My smiling meant nothing to the trees or the meek grass I crumbled beneath me.

I walked inside, and glanced over while passing a mirror. I was beaming. My lips moist, nose blushing, and eyes alive. My features were softened, blemishes stricken clean. My skin was radiant and unveiling. I felt 12 years old again. I could see my youth in the reflection and remembered that I was beautiful. I did not feel vain. I felt as I would 10 years ago: confident, ignorant, exuberant! All that I knew became a cipher and could not dim my perspective of the peace I gained.

Music:
Bon Iver-SkinnyLove
Incubus-Aqueous Transmission

"MORMON"

I was baptized on Saturday into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! woohoo! I have a 12 page journal entry that I will be ever-so-willing to share with you if you want a detailed, thought break-down of the event! It was so amazing that I wish I could do it everyday! Obvious reasons object this idea, but I just wanted to expound upon how glorious it was. AND how peaceful and certain I feel about this decision. I will not be proven wrong that it will be difficult, but rather than endure to the end, I must rejoice to the end!

These two scriptures, parallel in understanding, have been the most helpful when I get overwhelmed with little things! Feel free to refer to them in your times of struggle!
Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

3Nephi 13:37
Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient the day unto the evil thereof.


The more resources we have, the more we get used to them. If we did not know any better, or learned to make ends meet, we would be more resourceful with what we do have. Could we return to the days of campfires and tents? No air conditioning? Our bodies would surely adapt. or die. How about no fuel? Would people still be happy? I say that we could. A little simplifying and "cleansing" of the world has to happen every once in a while. This is what I think is happening to our markets. Naturally, since everyone knows the market is going down, it will continue to do so. People will hold tight to there money and not be avid consumers. Therefore, it can only go up if we keep consuming. Certainly not everyone will start consuming at the same rate, and those who are faithful to helping the economy by buying products, will be broke. As for the cleansing, some times it is good to refocus our consummation. I find this true with the big 3 auto companies---sometimes it is good to clean out the moral standards of the company too. If they do recieve the bailout, then we know for certain that financially, they will be monitored by the rest of the country. I am not disregarding that this will not be devastating for people losing their jobs-, but at a global standpoint, it may eliminate corruption in the field, and return us to reasonable spending.

Anyways....random thoughts forced at the end of the work day :)

I am off to stay with my cousins to help with Thanksgiving dinner! I can't wait!

Happy Turkey Day!

DOUBLE-DECKER BUS

Mmm...New breakfast combination: Vanilla Soy Milk with Oatmeal and Sugar. Seriously delectable! (and obscure)

* "It is my mercy and not yours that matters now!" -Dumbledore, J.K.Rowling
I really felt that this explained the Atonement. That everyone felt Jesus' life was at the mercy of those who placed him on the cross. Truly we are only saved by His mercy and grace! I've become some what of a Harry Potter dork - or at least am really amazed at what this literature reads like between the lines.

*"the twilight time between sleeping and waking" - J.K.Rowling
This describes the general place I am when I pretend to go to bed each night :)

HOLD FAST TO THAT WHICH IS GOOD

Honesty. Patience. Humility. Testimony.

BAPTISM DATE: NOV. 22ND
BAPTISM TIME: 10:00 A.M.
LOCATION:
CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS
604 WINDSOR ROAD, CHAMPAIGN, IL

1 Thessalonians 5
21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

22 Abstain all appearance of evil.

23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

24 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

I'm not sure that I knew how sacred this place was when I took this picture. How beautiful and pure the stone, how vast the sky-painted ceiling symbolized, how short and few the pilgrimage would be. I stand all amazed. I feel peace when I look at this picture. I wish I could take back all the times I spoke of blaspheme against the doctrine, and ideals of the church. My intentions were pure, but my faith was not selfless, honest, patient. I believe now that it is the right time for me to be baptized. I do not think my desire or testimony would be this strong were I not to experience this rigor.

P.S. Did I mention how excited I am?

BLOOD TRADERS

I wanted to convey the 360 degree aspects of daily thoughts and issues:
Artistic:

I am inspired to keep aspiring.

Seasonal:

I am comforted that I finally was able to enjoy the joys of October this weekend: Tailgaiting, Afootball game victory, a stroll through the meados, Allerton's woods and plains, baking cookies, and most of all-the reuniting of a solid, lasting embrace. Or many ;)

There were many lasting images in my mind from these last couple of days on top of those events:

The Easter Bunny and basket scurrying to get costumes from the timeless van "Old Bess".

The warm sun while laying on the grass. looking up as
friends wearing orange passing bratwurst back and forth.
It was the only thing between
me and the sky. Yummy.

The massive blackness of the sky surrounding each speck of radiant white. And feeling as though I was that white in the overwhelming scene in the dark. And a shooting star, which could have fallen into my hand if I reached up for it.
It felt so near. It is near.

And the breath was drawn from my lungs at the sight
of a bleeding fall tree. It's leaves a fading yellow from green,
dripping at the edges with a blood red pigmentation. I've never seen
anything so beautiful and ominous in nature. It stood in front of me,
dying and withering. I had to help it. I plucked its leaves, and didn't look back.

I'm always curious about relations in all things. Is this my flaw or my strength? I'm told it is a flaw, but find it is the one thing I cannot rebuke.

Ethnical/Religious:
I am a mud blood when it comes to religious background. In a way I will be a blood trader if I marry(and mate with) a pure blood.
(Harry Potter analogy)


Political:

I took the drive to Champaign to vote. I figured that it was not really a problem to not change my registration address because I had an excuse to visit with people :). So I went the distance to fulfill my duty as a U.S. citizen. I had excitement that brought butterflies to my stomach this time. This election, unlike the others I have been able to comprehend, was actually one where the candidates were highly qualified and kept me intrigued. This time, it wasn't the better of the two worst eligble canditates, but rather there were candidates that actually gave me postive anxiety to know what it will be like in the next 4 years. Obama's speech made a pretty solid impression to unite us with our history as Americans, yet keep the success we have endured in the past as a vision into the future. Some people in the same room with me cried---that was a little intense for me-- but it conveyed their excitement. And that is peachy.

Political/Religious:
Change.
I thought that it was peculiar that the talk that President Monson gave was focused on accepting and rejoicing in change. This mere word - or phrase - "change" is very significant at this time because it is also the campaign slogan for a certain president of the United States. I have a few other reflections on this, but mostly thought it was neat that these two leaders had some great insight on the inevitable event we call CHANGE.

A confidence in the speeches given by Obama lies within the impression that I am seeing behind his movement. The ideas and aspirations for the approaches to getting America "out" of debt and reaparing the economy and restoring the impoverish--and the unity expressed in defying the racial segregation of presidents--I feel that this may reflect some undertone of the law of consecration that was a vision to the prophet Joseph Smith. This may be a stretch - and a large one in the timeline, but while I was praying about our country's leader, a lot of the connections were unveiled to me. Again, just a thought. In and outside of the office, I heard expressions of those who want to be self-rising in society, and desire an economy that supports those ideals. (Mostly republican-party only voters). That is kind of what America has founded itself in - a propheting society. I believe that if we really lived as a society focused on God, it will convey a world without poverty and wealth. This is only possible when people stop seeking personal success in the economy and start seeking and fulfilling the needs of the people around them.


Architectural:

I went to Champaign Monday night to AIA CI (American Institute of Architecture, Central Illinois) at the Alice Campbell Alumni Center (even tho this building was architecture gone wrong it won an award). Our company, Farnsworth Group won 4/16 awards given. I was able to drive my co-workers back in the company van (I was company DD!) and really enjoyed getting to hear their enthusiasm on how the speaker effected them/opinions on the too-fancy food they fed us (sushi/cucumber sandwiches, tomato bowls?). That and seeing Professor Selby and his little sports car always makes me smile :)

Cameron Sinclair is a hero. He, at age 22 had a brilliant idea which caused him to call the UN direct to start efforts with "building a better world". Unbelievable the capabilities that I am endowed to with just a simple architectural degree. When I am able to hear people like him speak about his Architecture for Humanity I feel as if I am falling short of my duty to the world. Yes, I cannot do everything, but the inspiration helps me feel like I can do so much more. I have little ties here--why can't I join the peace corp? Or work for him in India? I have these questions too often, followed by little action. I am tied here. I am expected to be around for my family and friends. Can I be justified in saying that the services I participate in are on a smaller scale? I want to be a part of something bigger, but with only small efforts, am I essentially a part of that bigger vision?

Design like you give a Damn: the company chipped in and bought this book. I will definitely be stealing it from the library. Sinclair drew us an opossum named Alex. It looks like a straggly ball of yarn. Maybe England doesn't have opossoms. Shame.

Religious:
How many times will it take for me to hang out with LDS members, to think the amazing way they live their lives common? I feel it contagious!

Musicalitastical (:
The Kinks
Miles Apart- Vetiver
NewNew Song - Tokyo Police Club
Car Alarm - The Sea and Cake
Adieu Mon Coeur (Acoustic) - My Brightest Diamond
11:59 - The Postmarks

Economical:
Filled up with Gas in Champaign$2.09

Recreational:
I won the sustainable/health award for our office! I got a $25 gift certificate for a health food grocery store for riding my bike/working out! Sweet! A blessing that God provides groceries when I need it!

Social:

This story ripped at my heart. Prepare yourself if you read this. It really drew my thoughts to those who are suffering and cannot receive justice for it. Living in America has been a blessing for a lot of us, and I really hope that we remember to focus on these issues. Especially in Prayer.

Domestic:

I'm sorry that everyone didn't get to try my cookies in time! The random cup of wheat flou I borrowed from the neighboring house made them taste a little more healthy than I enjoy. Here's your cookie. I still ate them three at a time!

Technological:
I uploaded these pics from my camera phone! Pretty spiffy!

Emotional:
At the mention, my stomach acid circulates
From the ache in my tissue to the breath in my throat.
I am at rest. It means nothing.

THINK FAR. SEE FAR.

I "wrote" this on my way to work this morning in rejoice of how immediate my prayers are answered:My pain is a constant reminder to turn to the Lord.
What a blessing it it to let the absence in my heart
recall my attention and dependency to Heavenly Father.
How I wish to endure these pangs throughout my eternities
only to ensure my journey is beside the comforting hand of God.
He acknowledges my sorrows and desires personally.
I rejoice that he knows and loves my heart so perfectly.
Allow my mind the attentiveness to accredit his presence
after the clarity overcomes my darkness.

Suffering do not leave me now.
I want to be lost inside it those before me.
I long to be as David, and Job. Even as Joseph.
To experience their happiness and perseverance in their closeness to Him.
My own desires be lost in these despairs,
for the day I am able to basque in the light,
only cleanliness will surround me.
I must endure until I can resist him no more.
I come only to the Lord broken and contrite.
My stubborn weaknesses will soon falter
Strengths will prove prevalent in my actions.
Change will run through my blood, and I will rejoice in the Lord always.


Does anyone get excited when they put a name in their phone and their name is a combination of the first letters on your number keys? Sweet simplicity.

Some of my pottery and my picture made this website!
The Pottery Shop, Normal IL
Soul Song: Eisley - A Sight To Behold
Song with Soul: I am a Child of God - Hymn

STUDENT OF THIS LIFE

Today like many, I was running away. I circled and came back to a house with piles of wood at their sidewalk. I ran to my car to pick it up. More projects to tease my mind.
I talked with the people ripping out the basement of the house, who spoke of disgust about the condition the previous tenant left it in. The next door neighbor walked over to me after they had gone back to their business. She commented that she was happy to see some new neighbors. I told her I was just scavenging, and that the people, I believed, were just trying to sell the home. She still seemed satisfied.

I suppose that I was thinking about this tenant quite a bit as I loaded my trunk. I looked around these items - an old temperature gage, a corner cabinet, wall panels, orange grunge carpet, encyclopedias. Everyone spoke of these things as such a burden to their activity. What about this old man? He did not even have relatives to clean up his house and go through his possessions. The neighbors were glad to see someone ELSE moving in. Old kicked to the corner. I just pray that he had warmth in his life, because the afterthoughts of him seemed barren and cold.

What thoughts will I leave behind?

Attitudes have changed on love stories in movies. I can't fall for any of them anymore. I rarely think there are enough factors for realistic relationships. They used to help for emotional release, and now I just ignore that part of the plot, and find entertainment in the intermediate stories (Or in the case of Across the Universe the political/social/artistic stories). Maybe I'm unconsciously joining the male perspective.

Today Hogan came to visit my apartment. :O) Kara and I are baking bananananananananana bread right now. yummy.

I want to hold your hand - The Beatles

BRAIN ON CAR PARTS

this is my brain on car parts.

To imagine, lives parallel for a while,
diverging without distraction.
It is imminent.
sins in shades of green seek me.
I bear them another color.

Sins in shades of black keep me near.
remembrance is my wont.
Smiles and blue eyes.
It is exigent.
pills to dry my leaks will remedy.

Grass is green where you want it to be.
Nature inside us always prevails
Happy with a secret.
One heart on one mind.
Why is it impossible to forget?

"each prayer accepted and each wish resigned"

Listen: Bon Iver - Skinny Love I like this album's bio.

Career-Path-Thinking:
Ottawa Regional Hospital
I cannot reveal too much from this meeting, since the design process in a firm is somewhat confidential. BUT, I've made a couple general observations that fascinate me about the construction process. We have designed a parking deck beneath an exting parking lot. We must avoid and preserve existing columns for an entrance canopy. This requires much coordination to keep the hospital functional, while at the same time progressing on the deconstruction/construction of the building and its corresponding parking. At the meeting, I observed how the CM (construction manager) assesed the plans and responded to every detail. Amazing how people coordinate ideas with actions.

It is important to earn the complete set of drawings presented to a client to be able to navigate through the pages. Clients must be given many options and visuals to comprehend the design intent. That is why a set of construction drawings have many details expanding each element.

Ideas/Drawings/Concepts/Measurement come first. I doodle them in corners of conversations. I record on scraps. I plan to act upon them. Pen and paper is a blessing to me. I cannot imagine life without them. I cannot imagine life without the use of my hands to materialize the ideas from the ink. It is the most satisfying feeling to see the scribbled lines and scattered verbal expressions transform into a substance. The building process. Creating only by observing ways in which these elements were combined---and combine them in a different form. The Creator is the only original. We only progress because we use the steps of the scientific method in everything we do.

The visual patterns of archtiecture intrigue me the most. I almost always have scatterED nerves in my stomach and an anxious choke in my chest when I think about designing a building that syncs with function, nature, aesthetics, technology, innovation, sustainability. And then to detail how all these compliment each other. Down to the detail of each material being held together. These are the things I have looked at all my life. My curiosity pushes me to understand that I may duplicate anything I see - and try to improve it. --I'm starting with furniture :).

7 Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred it be given you from me.

Doctrine and Covenants 9:7-9

"I can't see anything I don't like about you"
-"But you will! Then I'll get bored and feel trapped, because that is what I do."
-"Okay."